Entertainment at the Arnold: B-I-N-G-O
By
Jim Wendler and Rachel Cassano
The Arnold can be a bit boring at times. Many go there because they get free
supplements, although every year the supplement companies keep getting more
Scrooge-like. What happened to the free samples? You’d be better off going to
Sam’s club on a Sunday morning.
If you go to the Arnold every year just because of tradition – we can provide
you some entertainment. If this is going to be your first time, this will
prepare you for what you will see.
Fake boobs – Yes, you are going to see MANY of these. Don’t get too
excited yet, because this is probably the best thing you’ll see all day. Even if
you’re a woman, I regret to inform you that this is still probably still the
best thing you’ll see all day – next to some bodybuilders. But remember this;
they are not fake if you can touch them.
Synthol – Synthol is to muscles as strap-ons are to penises.
Beastly Chic – There are many of these, and most of them will be
walking hand-in-hand with their George Costanza-looking boyfriends/husbands.
They usually have the same hair lines.
Out of Breath Guy Walking – The all-time best out-of-shape guy was a
certain world record holder in the bench press. About 4 years ago, I (Jim) saw
him walking around with a sweat soaked shirt and an oxygen tank. And he wasn’t
even competing.
Wearing Free T-Shirt over Regular Shirt – There is nothing better for
a supplement company than a gangly teenager advertising the latest in
pro-hormones and muscle building supplements.
Zit or Boil the Size of a Quarter – The Arnold is known for two
things: the largest gathering of people that are unable to procreate and large,
alien-like pustules. If the urge to squeeze a white head becomes unbearable,
wear gloves.
Old Man Hitting on a Hot Fitness Model – Good for him. Make sure she
signs a pre-nup.
Guy With Shirt Off – I know Jim isn’t too thrilled about this one, but
I would normally be excited about it – however at the Arnold, they’re usually
the fattest most unattractive guys and smell like B.O. Unfortunately, that’s my
type.
Girl in Heels and Bikini – Are they strippers? Or do they want you to
buy some whey protein? Both will empty your wallet with little in return!
Bitch Tit – These will range from C to usually DD cups. But at least
their stuff is working.
Mullet or Skullet – The classic Bolton comes back in style every year
for the Arnold.
Anadrol Bloat Face – I respect these guys quite a bit as they don’t
hide their love of anabolics. There is a group of lifters out there that like to
down play their use; we call them Carolina CC’s. These guys usually walk around,
out of breath, tons of zits, moon faced and with blood pressure in the 200/180
range…yet they claim to be taking only 250mg/ml a week of test and 1 dianabol
tab a day. This is VERY popular with lifters from North and South Carolina.
Otomix shoes (white) – Usually worn with scrunchy socks and no pride.
Bodybuilder gender-bender – Code name: Richard Tucker.
Tight Affliction Shirt – Not as bad as Tap Out, though. Those wearing
Affliction shirts guys classify themselves as “Cage Fighters,” although their
official fight record is nothing but goose eggs.
Nipple Hard-On (guy or girl) – On a girl – it can be attractive. On a
guy, it usually means his areolas are larger than pepperoni.
Tramp Stamp on Girl – What was once a little slut secret has kind of
run its course. Even soccer mom’s have these. And they wear mom pants. And
rarely put out.
Camo Cargo Shorts – One word…winter.
Timberland boots with Shorts – Ruined by rappers.
Camel Toe – Nothing better than spandex nestled between potato wedges!
ILS (imaginary lat syndrome) – To those that always “Carry Luggage” –
put it down and do some deadlifts and chin-ups.
Men’s Hair Highlights – Usually related to the Guido or the Guido
Light.
Guido – You were cool to make fun of but now we just hate you. Get out
of the Midwest.
Cut Flannel Shirt – Shirts that have collars should have sleeves.
That’s a fact.
Elite Fitness Systems strives to be a recognized leader in the strength
training industry by providing the highest quality strength training products
and services while providing the highest level of customer service in the
industry. For the best training equipment, information, and accessories, visit
us at www.EliteFTS.com.
