Win if You Can, Cheat if You Must, But Always Cheat!
By
Billy Mimnaugh
In this day of Internet domination, we’re inundated with the insane rants of
tiny, little men giving their views about what’s legitimate in our sport of
powerlifting. These Internet moralists preach to us “sinners” that any squat we
do in a meet judged as good by the three judges in the chairs and later reviewed
by these Internet judges as high should immediately be turned down by the
lifter. He should consider a public apology for trying to perpetrate a fraud by
initially accepting such a lift. Of course, when asked if these little men have
ever turned down a lift, they usually respond by saying that all of their
lifts are good (the fact is half of them have never stepped on a platform),
which is how they ascended to Internet judge for all of powerlifting.
I’ve got news for these Internet icons—we don’t care what you think. You see,
in every single sport, the athlete is trying to get away with as much as
he can. Rules are made to be broken or bent. Fair play and the moral high ground
is for suckers who usually find themselves at the bottom looking up. These
silly, little men, who have convinced themselves that powerlifting, because it
isn’t a “money” sport, falls on the outside of this mentality, are fooling
themselves but not the rest of us.
In major league baseball, pitchers try to “paint the corners.” They purposely
try to expand the strike zone. The farther they can pitch inside or outside, the
better. If they can get away with strikes thrown outside the strike zone, they
do it and do it with the enthusiasm of a 13-year-old boy watching porn. In my 45
years on this earth and after watching literally thousands of baseball games, I
haven’t witnessed one pitcher ever tell an umpire that his last
strike was actually a ball. Not once!! Yet, now we have piss ant computer
geeks reviewing lifts on video after a meet and then demanding that
lifters turn down lifts that these “experts” view as no good.
What’s even more amazing is that most sports not only look the other
way at players trying to get an advantage by bending the rules but actually
celebrate it. Gaylord Perry is a hall of fame pitcher whose claim to fame was
throwing spitballs. The media and other major leagues applauded and patted him
on the back when he was able to get away with his spitballs for twenty years.
Compare that to the recent Dave Hoff “shirt incident” at the SPF meet. A video
of Hoff’s bench appeared on the Internet, which showed what looked like
something stuck under his bench press shirt. No one at the meet saw it,
and none of the three, long time and hugely respected judges saw it either. But
the Internet detectives saw the video and made their judgment.
Now, I’d like someone to explain to me the difference between getting away
with a spitball and getting away with something stuck under your shirt? If Hoff
got away with that, why in the world of powerlifting forums is he chastised,
lambasted, and lampooned while Perry is viewed as an all-time great and genius?
Today I was watching the NFL network, and they were rating the greatest
defensive back tandems in history. The number one tandem was the Oakland Raiders
Mike Haynes and Lester Hayes. Hayes, who had a year where he was named defensive
player of the year, was known for one thing—using incredible amounts of Stick Um
all over his body. Was it breaking the rules? No. Was it bending them? Most
definitely. The NFL eventually passed a rule to ban it because of Hayes. The
players praised him for his ingenuity for bending the rules to his advantage.
Now, compare that to a guy getting a hitched deadlift passed by three judges.
The lifter has done nothing but lift. However, the Internet judges feel
he has broken the eleventh commandment and should be flogged in the public
square. Pretty stark comparison.
In the NBA, the greatest player who has ever lived, Michael Jordan, carried
the ball just about every time he drove to the basket. His most memorable shot
ever was done with a carry and a push off as he beat the Utah Jazz in the
final game in the championship game. This shot is shown over and over and over
again. It’s celebrated as being the pinnacle of Jordan’s great career. Other
than Jazz fans and players, people celebrate, applaud, and praise it. Compare
that to the great Chuck Vogelpohl’s first 1000-lb squat at 220 lbs. Vogelpohl,
who spent his entire career burying squats, looked like he got a beneficial call
on this attempt. Is he praised for getting one in? Nope. According to the
Internet geeks, Chuck is a high squatter and not worthy of praise. Quite a
different take on “bending the rules” from sport to sport.
Quite frankly, all athletes are in a constant battle to get away with
as much as possible. They have DVDs on ways to improve one’s 40 time not by
getting faster but by positioning the body in a way that bends the rules. There
are ways to posture yourself at the start of the time, getting off the line by
fooling the guys with the clock. There are ways to finish and ways to hold your
head. It’s all a gimmick. It’s bending the rules to give yourself an advantage.
It’s what sports are about. Swimmers putting on shark skin suits to glide
through the water faster, golfers switching to titanium clubs or better balls—it
goes on and on. It’s the nature of sports. Why in the blue hell would
powerlifting or powerlifters be any different?
Jim Wendler made one of the most profound statements I’ve ever heard. He
said—and he may have stolen it from someone else—“if you’re getting more than
two white lights, you’re squatting too deep.” That sums up the athletes’
mentality. You get away with as much as you can. You walk that very thin line
between bending the rules and breaking them. It’s the very definition of
sport—football lineman figuring new ways to hold and still get away with it,
baseball hitters standing as close as they can in the batters box, basketball
players posting up by committing offensive fouls without getting caught, and
powerlifters trying to get lifts passed any way they can.
These Internet judges and moralists expect lifters to not only lift in a meet
but to then judge the lifts on video after the meet and pick and choose
which lifts were good and which ones weren’t. Then they expect them to either
accept or decline those lifts based on the video. Forget the judges. They’re
meaningless. What a bunch of stupidity. All athletes in all sports are
looking to win period! The old expression “it isn’t cheating if you don’t get
caught” applies. Al Davis said it best—“Just win baby. Win if you can, lose if
you must but always cheat.” Just remember, cheating is in the eye of the
beholder. One man’s definition of cheating is another man’s definition of
trying. If you think a lift was given to you, turn it down. Just don’t try to
jam your morals or view of fair play down my throat.
Billy Mimnaugh has been lifting for 25 years and competing for 20 years.
He has won state and regional titles in both bodybuilding and powerlifting
including the AAU Maine State Bodybuilding Championships, NPC New England
Bodybuilding Masters Championship, APF Maine State, USPF Connecticut State, and
the WNPF Region 1. He is a three time runner up in the APF Senior Nationals in
the 308-lb class and a two time runner up in the IPA Nationals. He also placed
third in the IPA Seniors and won two APF junior nationals titles. He has been in
50 bodybuilding and powerlifting events and has never placed out of the top
three in any event (except for three bomb outs). His best total is 2303 lbs at
super, 2232 lbs at 308 lbs, and 2120 lbs at 275 lbs.
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