Flannels and Shoes
By Dave Tate
If you’ve been reading my training logs, I’m sure that you’ve read my
split personality conversations between “Dave” and “Zippy.” I’m also
sure that you’ve read my “Oreo” and “King of the Cups” posts. I know
this because I get tons of questions and feedback from them. I’d like to
answer some of the better questions that I’ve had in response to some of
these posts.
Question 1: The “Zippy Rant” was a great post, perhaps one of
your best. If you don’t mind me asking, why do all of you guys cut the
sleeves off of your flannel shirts?
Answer 1: Thanks for the feedback, and I’m glad that you liked
the post. Now on to your question… there are a few reasons for this.
The first problem stems from the cut of most flannels. The wrist buttons
are impossible for bloated fingers to button. If you leave it undone,
your sleeves keep falling in your banana split causing calories that
should be going into your mouth to be left on your clothes. There is
just no way to get yoked with calories on your sleeve.
Yes, you can suck it off the shirt, as many choose to do. This is why
you see unstitched edges on the shirts of many big men. Your other
option is to roll the sleeves up. While this is doable, the problem with
this comes from memory. You have to do this before you put the shirt on
because there is no way a bloated wrist can turn under the back part of
the sleeve. Now, if you do remember, the memory process doesn’t end
there. You also need to know how many rolls to fold. Is it one or three?
Who the hell knows? It can be different with every shirt, and who has
the time to make a chart for all of this? All and all, you just say
screw it and cut the damn sleeves off.
For most bloated bastards, the only halfway lean muscles they have are
guns and calves. So the goal here is to keep people from noticing how
huge your belly really is. The guns are not really to show off but to
take the focus away from what you don’t want them to see.
The real reason is because with all the damn triceps work we do the
shirt will not fit our arms. We have no problem in the chest area
because most of us never did any real chest work. Hair will hide it
anyhow.
When grandma, your parents, girlfriend, or whoever gets you that XL
flannel for Christmas, you can’t toss it. There’s nothing better than a
free swag. The less swag you have to buy, the more money you have for
other shit like food. Think about it. Today a new shirt can run you
$20.00. On a sale day, this is equal to 20 Big Macs! Hmm…14,000 calories
or a new shirt? Come on! This is an easy call.
This is also why all of those guys who shop at Abercrombie are tweeds.
If they just got their priorities straight, think of the number of
calories they could get for one sweatshirt (that they have to buy to
hide the pea shooters hanging from their shoulders). This is just INSANE
to think about. Gucci, Prada…just think of how much YOKE could be had if
people just got their heads right.
No, we’re NOT taking the shirt in and exchanging it for a bigger size.
Why? If you the preceding paragraphs, we’re just cutting the sleeves off
anyways. There’s no need to miss good TV taking it back. You can’t wear
sleeves in a meet, and we all know that you need to train like you
compete.
This question was an easy one. I’m surprised it was even asked. I
thought everyone knew this already…
  
Question 2: I’m just now coming into my yoke. What kind of shoes
do you recommend for the day to day grind? I already got my shoes for
the gym.
Answer 2: Good to hear that you have your jack on. I’m glad to
know that your gym shoes are NOT your day to day shoes. There is no
reason at all to take your good shoes outside EVER. You always keep the
worn out crap for the day to day grind.
Now, for shoes it depends on where you fall on the YOKED UP scale.
Class 4: You can wear whatever you want. You’re not YOKED, and you know
it. Any shoe is fair game because most everything will fit and not cause
you problems. But, as in the previous question, one pair of Jordan’s can
cost you 56,000 calories. Be smart my man, be smart! There’s a reason
why you’re a class 4 and now would be a good time to wake up and see
why.
Class 3: You’re still not YOKED, but you think you are. This group will
wear things like Nike Frees and low cut Chucks. I don’t know what to say
about this group except...whatever.
Class 2: Now you have some jack on so your options are fewer. It’s
really best to stick with Chucks, wrestling shoes, or Metal shoes here.
You’re not used to the YOKE and any change can give you back cramps and
tightness all day. It’s better to stick with what you know best—what you
wear in the gym.
Class 1: Now you have some YOKE on and are getting used to it, but you
feet are also feeling the jack as well. This is the time to really look
into wider shoes and NEVER EVER tie the damn things up. You have to pull
the lace holes as far apart as you can and spread the laces out as far
as possible. The trick here is to tie a small knot at the end of each
lace so that it doesn’t pop through the hole. If it’s done right, there
will be no slack and nothing to tuck under. If you feel the need or have
to tuck the laces under, you’re NOT class one. Move back down to class
two. Any wide base shoe will work here, but Nike and Adidas will be the
brands of the past.
Master: At this point, you’re so DONE with shoes. You can find shit to
fit and everything hurts you feet by the end of the day. You’re now
super yoked and every step has extreme force on your feet. This is when
you have to give in to the Velcro walking shoe. Big UPS for you!
Congrats! Very few ever get to reach this pinnacle.
Elite: This is the cream of the crop. It doesn’t get any better than
this. You have one option—sandals. I’d suggest any style that doesn’t
have the twig ass thing that rams between you big toe and whatever they
call the next one. Look, you know as well as I do that there’s some funk
jammed up in there that has been there since class one. If you use this
“toe floss,” it will unveil an order like you’ve never smelled before so
let’s just leave that shit alone.
I hope this helps.
Dave Tate is the founder and CEO of Elite Fitness Systems, staffed
by experienced professionals dedicated to providing strength coaches,
athletes and trainers with the highest-quality equipment, personalized
service and extensive knowledge needed to advance their training
programs. Dave has been involved with powerlifting for more than two and
a half decades as a world-class participant, coach and consultant. He
has logged more than 10,000 hours of personal training and strength
consulting sessions with professional, elite and novice athletes, as
well as with professional and university strength coaches. He holds
Elite status in powerlifting (in three weight classes) with best lifts
of a 935 squat, 740 deadlift, 610 bench press and 2,205 total. In
addition to remaining active as a participant who still pushes himself
to excel, Dave contributes insights and inspiration to the sport that
has shaped him. Through Elite Fitness Systems, he has conducted hundreds
of influential seminars and clinics nationwide for gyms, training
centers, schools and universities. He has written more than 100 articles
on strength training for magazines and web sites, including Powerlifting
USA, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health and T-Nation.com. This
athlete-entrepreneur earned a Lifetime Achievement award in 2005 from
the Society for Weight Training Specialists.
Dave Tate’s impact also extends beyond training techniques and
beyond his sport. As a business adviser, motivational speaker and
author, he shows how athletic disciplines teach valuable lessons for
overall achievement. “We each have all we need to achieve success in
anything we choose to do,” says Tate, describing the theme of his 2005
book, Under the Bar / Twelve Lessons of Life from the World of
Powerlifting. He lives with his family in London, Ohio.
Elite Fitness Systems strives to be a recognized leader in the
strength training industry by providing the highest quality strength
training products and services while providing the highest level of
customer service in the industry. For the best training equipment,
information, and accessories, visit us at www.EliteFTS.com.
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