Before we start, let me say that I do realize that the title could read the EF Shit List. This is certainly not a shit list, rather a list of the hottest things that we have deemed #1 in their appropriate category. What gives me the authority to do such a list? Nothing. But if I don’t, someone less qualified will. So here is the EFS Hit List; enjoy and have a good laugh.
Best Liniment – Dave likes to fashion himself the Liniment King. It is not a prestigious title, but it’s a title nonetheless. I will say that in order to deem oneself the King of Liniments, you better have the goods and the expertise to back it up. I have seen and used liniments that would burn your tattoos off and make you smell like the festering sore on your obese and bed ridden Aunt Jane. Matt and I have described one liniment as “being a harmonious blend of milk and barbeque sauce.” We are very professional. Anyway, the best liniment is Jack’s Blue Heat. Without a doubt, this liniment has passed the test of time and the test of thousands of customers. This is no fly-by-night liniment.
Best Denim Bench Shirt – Karin Kline has been making bench shirts out of her home for many years and still makes the best denim shirt on the market. She will do custom work and work with you to build the best bench shirt for you, not someone else. If you like denim bench shirts do yourself a favor and check them out. I have used the regular denim shirt and the Generation 2 material and like the former better. I think it’s because the Generation 2 material is often referred to as Gen II and I once dated a girl named Jen and every time I hear that name I think of her strange, stalking ways.
Best Poly Bench Shirt – I’m going to have be a big wimp on this one and not declare a clear cut winner. The Inzer Rage X is a great shirt and has proven itself many times. The Metal Pro Viking gave Dave Tate about a 450lbs carryover from his raw bench press. I kid, but am willing to bet that the Metal Pro Viking gave Dave about 250lbs. This is insane but it’s true. This is not done to belittle Dave’s raw prowess. The shirt has also proven itself to many other lifters.
Best Canvas Squat Suit – We have been lauding Ginny Phillips at EFS for a long time. Mostly because of her superb work with alterations on suits and shirts. But Ginny also builds the beefiest canvas squat suit known to man. She customs builds each squat suit and is worth every penny. Now for those that are adamantly against canvas squat suits, please take a breath. Now hold it. Hold it. Never let it out. You can contact her at this phone number - 506 466 1879 or her website - Ginnyspowergear.com
Best Poly Squat Suit – The Metal Pro Squatter has proven itself to be the baddest poly squat suit out there. Want proof? Check out the big lifters wearing it. Want more proof? Check out the rest of the powerlifting community that has embraced this suit.
Best Powerlifting Forum – I’m not a big fan of forums, but if you want a good laugh and get the “in” on powerlifting gossip and rumors, Tommy Fannon’s Grow or Die forum is the place to be. The best part of this forum is the trolls who have smart ass remarks and hilarious names. There is the troll with the handle, “Eyes Swollen Shut” an obvious tribute to the role of AAS. Don’t forget the “IPA Judge” who is always willing to give you 3 white lights. I don’t know how much you are going to learn from this forum, but you will have a smile. Unless you’re a target.
Best Post Workout Meal – I’m really on the fence with nutrition. On one hand, no one I’ve ever met that was any good at any sport really focused on nutrition. Most just eat whatever they want, try not to eat like crap and they do fairly well. On the other hand, when I eat healthy I feel much better, sleep better but I don’t necessarily get any stronger. It’s strange. I’ve also heard that the post-workout meal is the most important meal, but then again, I thought breakfast was the most important. In fact, isn’t your pre-workout meal important? The easy answer is “they are all important.” But that can’t be. You can’t have five people win a race. So what I’m trying to say is this; I’m not sure anymore but here are some ideas:
J.M. Wendler’s esq. Diet Revolution/Revelation –
Best Deadlift Hitch – I’m not sure of the web address but this video has been floating around the internet for awhile and has probably been e-mailed to you. If the lore is correct, the owner of the Most Profound Deadlift Hitch belongs to an internet character that is dubbed the “Diesel Weasel.” I’m not sure if that’s his given name or something that has been bestowed upon him by his internet admirers. Whatever the case, this fellow is what keeps chiropractors in business and people shaking their heads at gyms. This video is perhaps the worst form of any lift I’ve ever seen. Whatever could have been done poorly was done to the 10th degree. I almost admire his ability to make things worse. I’m guessing that this is a joke, but have been informed that he has several videos roaming around that showcase his ability to remain healthy even if performs an exercise that is the weight room equivalent of a car crash.
Best Powerlifting Meet – The Arnold Classic is the crème-de-la crème of powerlifting meets. It’s the showcase for the best in the world. Located in Columbus, Ohio this meet accompanies a huge fitness/supplement or whatever-else-you-want-to-pimp-while-using-scantily-clad-women-and-huge-silicone-boobies expo. This is also the single largest gathering of camel toes. So if you are a connoisseur of this two-lipped beast, I recommend bringing your digital camera. The expo is really fun the first time you go; you see a lot of tits and ass and there are a ton of freebies. But be forewarned. There are numerous drawbacks to the festival including:
Luckily, the powerlifting meet is held far away from the expo, so you don’t have to maneuver too much. All in all, it’s not a bad time. A couple of years ago, Arnold walked through the expo and the crowd went nuts. The next year, in order to upstage his on screen rival, Sylvester “I Take My Craft Seriously” Stallone took to the floor with similar results. In fact, if you are a celebrity and need an ego boost, the Classic may be just what your P.R. manager prescribes for you. By the way, parking is $487 million.
Best DVD’s for Technique – I’m going to stroke my ego and I don’t care what you think of me. I’ve watched a lot of training videos and have yet to see anyone go over technique like I did in the EFS Squat/Deadlift Exercise Index and the EFS Bench Press Exercise Index. If you have any questions on form and what to do in any of the lifts, I highly recommend them. I worked my ass off doing this and have about a million hours of footage of me trying to get it right. I think I did a pretty good job. So buy it.
Best Workout Drink – The brand is well known but the system isn’t. Of course I’m talking about Gatorade, a brand that we all know because of their relentless advertising at any event that may induce sweat. I wouldn’t be surprised if porn stars have the Gatorade lighting bolt tattooed on their asses. But the system? It’s all about Ghetto Gatorade – a term that refers to the powder version of Gatorade which is an incredible deal. Here’s what you do. Go buy 1 pre-made container of Gatorade; get the size that you most want (I think that the 1 liter bottle is most popular) and after you consume it, use it as your Ghetto Gatorade shaker bottle. I’m not sure of all of the flavors that it comes in, but I recommend grape and fruit punch. This will save you a ton of money.
By the way, I always get a kick out of the commercials that highlight the Gatorade Sports Institute (located in Barrington, IL) and all of the fancy technicians in their white lab coats, frowning at their clip boards and adjusting knobs on a computer while an athlete rides a stationary bike until he’s in a coma. It’s the video equivalent of the Muscle Tech ads that used to run in Flex and Muscle and Fitness. After the athlete passes out, Johnny Whitecoat and his League of Overeducated Colleagues confer that the athlete would have been better off if he would have drunk some Gatorade. A round of Hi-Five’s is then attempted, all failing miserably because none of them played sports and do not possess the Cracker Jack timing that this entails.
Best Squat Shoes – Five years ago, this answer would have been Chuck Taylor’s. Now it’s the Metal Squat Shoes. The Metal Squat Shoe has a nice flat and sturdy bottom. I always felt that my foot was sliding around in a Chuck Taylor and I never felt “grounded”. The Metal Squat Shoe gave me a tremendous amount of confidence and I felt built into the ground. Plus, they are made out of leather and are sturdy as hell. These are the Rolls Royce of squatting shoes. If you can’t afford the Metal Squat Shoes, then the Chuck Taylor’s or Adidas Samba’s will work fine. For sizing, I usually wear an American size 11 but have found that I can fit into the Metal Squat Shoe size 10. I tried the 11 on and they seemed fine. It would depend on whether you like your shoes tight or comfortable. Now you make the decision.
Best Training Fashion – When I first watched the Westside Workout Video’s I was struck by two things; the size of the S.O.B.’s and their training fashion, especially Todd Brock. He wasn’t wearing Nike or any kind of Under Armor. He had his work clothes on. I think this makes quite a statement, it being, “I’m so damn strong that I can walk off of the street and train.”
So for those of you that have an outfit for each lifting day (and this does not count wearing powerlifting gear) please do us a favor and not do that anymore.
Best Collegiate Strength Program – Whoever wins the National Championship this year will thus be crowned, “All knowing of strength and conditioning.” Head football coaches will instruct their strength coaches to hop on a plane and see what #1 school is doing. These strength coaches will roll their eyes and smile appreciably. They’ll make a few phone calls, talk politely and take a few notes. If it was a perfect world, the strength coach will then instruct the head football coach to stop throwing the damn ball so much since it has been proven about 3 billion times that if you play great defense and run the ball, you will probably win the game.
Best Training Book – This is an easy answer based on sales and feedback. Supertraining by Mel Siff is pretty much the bible for training. While this book can be confusing, take it in small doses and don’t read it from cover to cover. Use it as a reference guide and read the sections that you find interesting and are applicable. Remember that if you don’t understand everything in the book, you are not a moron. You are just like the rest of us.
Best Protein Bar – I feel like I can speak about this topic with great authority. I have tried a million bars and protein powders. Most of these products have the taste and consistency of what my sister likes to call “sewer pickles.” Without a doubt, Muscle Sandwiches are the best tasting bar I have ever tried. I have had Detour, Contour, Derail, Exit Ramp, Merge and everyone of the possible combo’s. I have even tried the bigger name products. All had disappointed me. I now know what Joe Jackson feels everyday. With a light crispy wafer and a sweet chocolate taste, try Muscle Sandwiches. (That was done with my radio announcer voice.) Matt and I call them “Podda’s” for no reason other than we started eating them when my obsession with Benny Podda began.
Best Lifting Bar – I don’t think this is too hard to judge. The Texas Power Bar is the best all purpose bar I’ve ever used. Used for just about any lift, this bar has deep knurling and is perfect for any lifter. This is one thing that I would never skimp on if building a weight room.
Best Deodorant/Soap – I have a strange fetish with soap. I have about a million kinds of body wash in my shower and use a different one every day. I choose according to feel; I like to think that I use cybernetic latherization. In my travels, I have found that the Old Spice High Endurance body wash is so much better than anything I tried. The Adidas isn’t bad but very high priced. But because the High Endurance comes in several different scents, I have to concede victory. Comes in Fresh, Pure Sport, Pacific Surge and Arctic Force. The High Endurance Deodorant is also great and will give a big thumbs up to Arid XX. This is like putting a layer of cement underneath your stink pits. If you have little interest in your own stink then please do it as a favor to your training partners.
That’s all I’ve got for now. If I came off as being too “salesman” like, I really can’t apologize. I write what I know and what I believe. So go buy some stuff.
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