Under the Bar – Rumor Mill
By Dave Tate
For EliteFTS

“A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way.”
John Tudor

”Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.”
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), 'Politics Getting Ready to Jell,' The Illiterate Digest, 1924

”A groundless rumor often covers a lot of ground.”
Anonymous

”A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.”
Richard Armour


Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
-The Buddha


rumor 

n: gossip (usually a mixture of truth and untruth) passed around by word of mouth [syn: rumour, hearsay] v: tell or spread rumors; "It was rumored that the next president would be a woman" [syn: rumour, bruit]

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University



Who Cares?

Who cares what other people think? If you are sticking to what you believe and staying true to your vision then why should it really matter what someone else says about you, your lifts, your business, you school, your team or anything else. The only reason you could really care in the first place is if you are not true to your vision and are instead looking for the reassurance and respect of others to get what you really need. Let me put this into better perspective. Let’s assume you tell me your goal is to have the best sports training center in the world (or personal training center, power team, best total, it really does not matter what IT is). As you are building this center you begin to hear the rumors. Some of these are positive and true while others are not so positive and may be down right lies or personal attacks. Most of the people I know will get all pissed off about this and begin to form a return attack. How dare they say I suck, my business sucks or my lifts suck! What gives them the right? Then you spend the rest of the day with this floating around in your head. You may even loose some sleep over this. You plan and strategize your attack. You could call them, send them an email, see them in person, post on a forum, or many other means of communication you could use. You may even consider pulling a friend into the mix figuring if you tell them then it will get back to the source. Two days later you begin to cool off. Maybe you retaliated, maybe you did not. Either way you are back to your own life now. 


Questions

My question would be, what the hell happened to the one or two days you lost being pissed off planning your attack? They are now gone forever. That’s right FOREVER. Could you have used this time working toward your most important original goal? Could you have used this time thinking about your own business plan, training plan or life plan? Could you have used the lost sleep? Would you have had a better training session without this crap on your mind all day? You see even if you did not do anything to get back you still lost the battle. Who ever started the rumor won the battle. The thing is they did not only win they did something worse. They sent you off track of your original purpose. Sure it may be only one day (one day, one minute or even one second can make a hell of a difference in your life), but how many times per year does this happen?

Choices

What I am trying to say is that you have a choice. You can either choose your own path or the path of someone else. We all have to understand that other people can’t make you feel one way or another. We have to decide that ourselves. We decide our own reactions to any given stimulus. If someone says you lifts do not count because they were not done in XYZ federation then you decide how you will react to it. You can either blow it off or let it get to you. You decide how you react; nobody else has this power but you. So when you do begin to get stressed out just remember you are doing this to yourself. There have been many times I have gotten upset about various things (damn Yoda’s) and have tried to take it out in the gym. I remember one time I was all fired up because of a few stories I had received about a few coaches – trainers who hold themselves in very high regard. What I was told about them basically flipped me off the handle because I feel you have to live what you preach. For example, if you are going to tell someone how to get a big bench then you better of had or have a big bench. If you are going to tell someone how to get 21 inch arms then you had better have some jacked up arms. If you are going to write a program for someone then you better make sure you have used the program on yourself. This is just how I feel and what I have used to build a business on. When I hear otherwise it kills me. One this one occasion I call Jim up and begin my rant. After a few minutes he asked me “You feel better now?” Hell No, I don’t feel better. So I go on and on for another 5 minutes and get asked again “So you feel better now”. Then it hit me. He could care less about the whole deal. He had other things to do then listen to me bitch about something that really is not going to make a difference in his life. I must have been taking him away from a Pizza and began to feel bad about holding him back from the Pie he needed to eat to get his weight up. You see how this works and spins out of control. One person does something stupid to set someone off (it this case they were just being who they are), then that someone (me) gets worked up causing stress and frustration. So what do I do? I call someone else to keep the situation worse. At some point it will always stop. This is always when someone could really care less because they have more important stuff to do. I had the chance to make a decision. Would it affect me or not? I decided to let it affect me and then paid the price for it (frustration and stress). 

Who said what?

One huge example of this has to do with Internet Training Forums. Forums can be and many times are a great thing. They provide a community experience where people can exchange training information, stories and experiences. The value in this one aspect alone can’t be measured. These places could very well hold the key to the one thing you have been missing for years. There could be one person out there who has had to deal with the same training weak points you are dealing with. If you could find this person then you training would take off to a new level. In theory these forums could work just the same as a warm up room at a powerlifting meet, various lobbies, gyms, hotel rooms, bars and restaurants or anywhere else a group of lifters and/or coaches meet in one place. In my experience this is where the real learning happens. It does not happen in books, journals or articles. It happens in real time, in real life. Forums have the ability to offer the same type of resource. The problem is it does not happen. The reason for this is TOO many people get bent out of shape about how other people feel. Most people would rather gossip then talk training. I quit reading most of these a couple years ago but I do know that many of the strongest lifters (from every federation) and coaches (from all areas) have read or at one time have posted on a forum. When I speak with these people I used to always ask if they were ever asked a training question. The answer used to surprise me but I have been told the same thing so many times that quit even asking. I was told EVERY time I asked that they were never asked a training question, but they were asked what they thought about so and so’s squat, or what do they think about this or that federation. This is the very reason most of them never posted again or left the site. As stated before, they have better things to do. Now when I asked them if they would have answered a few training questions the answer was always yes. So how could this happen? The reason is very simple. Most people are not willing to look at a situation from any other side but there own. Because of this they see a post that may or may not agree with what they believe and then have to make their own post. It turns into a catfight with no real debating going on. Both people have no idea where the other is coming from and the rest of us look on and watch in complete enjoyment (or amazement in my case). This is much like watching a reality TV show. My goal is not to make you stop going to forums. They are great places if you have the time. My goal is to try and open your eyes so you can see it for what it really is. Believe me if you are one of those who get fired up about what you read then all you are doing it making life better for many of those who are posting. Everyone has his or her own way of seeing the world. If we all understood this then we would all be much happier. Since this will never happen and has been the case since the dawn of time then I guess all we can really do if decide how it will affect us personally. 

Will it make a difference?

I used to work for a manager that was great at turning things around in record time. I view my time with him as a huge learning experience in my life. The one skill he used best was listening. If I came to him bitching about a subordinate staff member he would hear me out, ask probing questions and do his best to see the entire situation for all it was worth. Then he would repeat the entire story back to me in his own words and then ask me if he was correct in his understanding. I would either say yes or fill in the gaps. If I had to fill in the gaps he would repeat it again and ask if he understood where I was coming form. Each and every time after I said yes he would say, “So what are you going to do about it?” Now it all fell back on me to fix the problem, not only that but I was also accountable for fixing the problem. Many of these times I did not want to fix the problem at all. Then I was asked, why are you so upset about it. Basically he taught me that I was accountable for fixing my own problems and if I did not want to be part of the solution to either live with it or shut the hell up. We will still get fired up from time to time (I know I will) it is just a matter of remembering where we are going and if it really will help us get there or not.