My Talk with God
By
Billy Mimnaugh
In the second part of Dr. T-Rex's
series on his talks with God and Satan was printed. After reading them, I
thought I had better start getting right with the Lord so that I too could know
the mind of the almighty.
After finishing the article, I got down on my knees and did some serious
praying. Now, most times when I pray, I don’t actually get an audible answer
from the Lord. However, this time, God the Almighty spoke to me as clearly as my
wife does when she screams at me to put the toilet seat down. I had some serious
issues to discuss and needed to get a clear answer to some of T-Rex’s points. So
here are the highlights of my talk with God.
BM: Lord, are you there?
God: I am here.
BM: Lord, I don’t want to waste your time so I will get right to my
point. Dr. T-Rex wrote an article in which he said he spoke to you and you spoke
back to him.
God: Ha, ha. Poor T-Rex. That guy’s ego is so immense that he can’t
tell the difference between his own voice in his head and mine. I actually did
hear his prayer but thought his points were so idiotic that I never even
bothered to answer him. You see, T-Rex is suffering from “small man’s syndrome.”
He is a little man in a big man’s world so he tends to exaggerate his own worth
in order to compensate for his shortcomings. I hear him when he prays, but how
many times can I hear him say, “Lord, thank you for making me so wonderful.”
BM: But Lord, he said that you thought taking steroids was cheating,
and he said that you were very upset at the state of athletics in this country.
In fact, he really seemed to know what you think on many subjects.
God: Ha, ha. Poor little T-Rex. First of all, T-Rex is so small that by
the time his prayer reaches me, it is three days after he prayed. Most times, if
I answer him, he has no idea what prayer I’m answering because of his stature
and it taking so long for the question to reach me. However, let me address his
statement. Steroids would be cheating if there was a set standard of rules
saying that they were not allowed to be used. However, if there isn’t a written
rule against taking them, they couldn’t possibly fall into the category of
cheating. You would think an idiot could figure that out.
BM: T-Rex kept emphasizing that they were illegal.
God: Steroids were made illegal by guys like Senator Joe Biden, a
known plagiarist, and Congressman Patrick Kennedy, a guy who has been in
rehabilitation three times. That would seem like the fox guarding the hen house
to me. Gangsters making laws for everybody but themselves to follow. Besides,
does that mean taking steroids are ok if you live in the Dominican Republic or
Turkey where they are legal? T-Rex’s mind is clouded because he regrets that he
never did steroids. He feels as though he has been cheated out of reaching his
potential and then exceeding his potential.
BM: Ok, Lord, but T-Rex said that you were unhappy about the cheating
in college athletics. He said that you didn’t like that the players were being
paid and weren’t college students but rather professional players.
God: Well, would I be more upset at players getting paid or
universities stealing players’ identities and putting their names on the back of
school jerseys so that the school can make millions off of their sales while the
players can’t get enough money for a pizza after a game? The players make the
school millions and what do they get in return? A college education? Doesn’t
seem like a fair trade off to me. The college athlete can’t even get a ride to
the airport from a coach if his parent gets sick and he has to fly home. As
usual, T-Rex is wrong. It’s the universities that are robbing these kids blind
and using them up and throwing them away when their eligibility ends.
BM: Lord, in other articles, T-Rex said that wearing illegal multi-ply
gear is cheating. Is that true?
God: Holy me, has congress started to make laws banning certain gear?
BM: No, not yet. I think he meant illegal in the powerlifting sense.
God: If it’s not against the rules, how can it be cheating? Again,
T-Rex is showing how upset he is that he never got a chance to wear multi-ply
gear. His jealousy is obvious. T-Rex was a guy who used anything in his power to
lift big weights. He used meditation and video breakdowns. He hired artists to
do frame by frame pictures of his lifts. You mean to tell me that he wouldn’t
have worn multi-ply gear if he had a chance? Nonsense.
BM: T-Rex also said that steroid use was cheating because not everyone
had access to them. Even if they were legal, if everyone didn’t have access to
them, it would still be cheating.
God: Really? How many guys had access to video like T-Rex did? How many
guys could afford artists to break down his form? How many have the time to
experiment with meditation and the use of color? T-Rex used everything in his
power to improve. Others could never have afforded the time or money that he
did. Does he consider that cheating? No, of course not. T-Rex, you see, has one
rule for himself and other rules for everyone else. If he took steroids, you can
bet he’d say, “Steroids are ok.” He has no standards and cares only for himself.
BM: So, what are you saying, Lord? Should I not get upset at T-Rex’s
articles?
God: Ignore them. Like I said, T-Rex is a little man in a big man’s
world. He’s a guy whose ego is so out of control that he thinks he’s great at
everything. Remember when he said he “was an awesome basketball player?” What
school did he play at? You never heard of it? Neither has anyone else. If he was
awesome, he would have played Division I, but he didn’t. Remember when he
bragged about his bodybuilding? How many guys in his class that day? This is a
man who needs to prop himself up because he has to look up at the world
everyday. Pray for him, but don’t let him bother you. He’s no more important
than something stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
BM: But lots of guys think T-Rex is a genius.
God: Lots of people think Chris Benoit killed his family and himself
because of “roid rage.” People believe anything that they read in print. T-Rex is
a guy with an opinion, no smarter or more right than anyone else. However,
people see that he’s published and they all think he must be right. Remember,
the media has conned people into thinking Barry Bonds hits home runs at record
pace because of steroids. People are lemmings being led around by the nose by
the media.
BM: Thanks, Lord. Do you think you could give me the winning lottery
numbers?
God: The last thing you need is to be rich. If you were rich, you’d be
dead in a month the way that you live. Hey, remember this. This is a big man’s
world and the little man gets squashed by the big man. So keep pumping and keep
growing and remember—on judgment day, all that will matter is how much you
lifted and how you looked.
Billy Mimnaugh has been lifting for 25 years and competing for 20 years.
He has won state and regional titles in both bodybuilding and powerlifting
including the AAU Maine State Bodybuilding Championships, NPC New England
Bodybuilding Masters Championship, APF Maine State, USPF Connecticut State, and
the WNPF Region 1. He is a three time runner up in the APF Senior Nationals in
the 308 lbs class and a two time runner up in the IPA Nationals. He also placed
third in the IPA Seniors and won two APF junior nationals titles. He has been in
50 bodybuilding and powerlifting events and has never placed out of the top
three in any event (except for three bomb outs). His best total is 2303 lbs at
super, 2232 lbs at 308 lbs, and 2120 lbs at 275 lbs.
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