The Seven Day Plan to Getting Yoked
By Dave Tate
For www.EliteFTS.com
First off, we need to get this straight. Little Debbie is NOT Hostess. There are
two things wrong with this. First off Little Debbie’s are known as snack slummin
or pure ghetto snacks. That’s just not cool. Also, anything that has the name
“little” attached to it can’t be good for the yoke.
Intermission: I was reading a “magazine” the other day, and they mentioned
something about building a “yoke.” Damn it! This pisses me off. The whole “yoke”
thing started because a bunch of pinheads decided to take “jacked” and make it
mainstream. “Jacked” used to mean something. Now it’s been reduced to a tiny
vein in your bicep and an 18-inch waist.
Fine! They can have the “jacked” and use it all they want.
”Yoked” started to rebel against the whole “jacked” thing that was going
downhill. Now, I’m seeing “yoked” heading in the same direction. Maybe the
pinheads should actually try being the name before they use it. No worries. The
underground will come up with another term. Maybe we can try “cocked,”
“stiffed,” or just plain “hard on.”
So I dedicate this post to all of the pinheads who ran “jacked” out. You know
they need help gaining weight, and I’m 100% sure that they didn’t know there was
a huge difference between the Debbie’s (I can’t even write the “L” word anymore)
and Hostess.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and do something unheard of. I’m going to
GIVE a weekly program for FREE. I feel I have to in order to save the term
yoked. You see, if I help the tiny necks get bigger, maybe they’ll keep the term
sacred. I apologize to all of you who already know all of this. It’s rehashing
old stuff over and over, but it needs to be written again.
Here’s the weekly schedule for those looking for yoke:
Monday
Twinkie day: This is the best for starting the week off. Most of us have started
with these golden delights. Hell, they have been around since the 1930s. You
have to respect that the most famous blow job man in history stuck one in a time
capsule. If you have the time, a quick deep fry job will add a few hundred
calories to these making it a better choice for the yoke. The only problem with
Twinkies is that everyone else is doing it so it can’t work that well. I’ve read
that there are 500 million sold each year. I know there aren’t that many yoked
people out there. However, it’s still a great choice for starting the week off.
As the week progresses so will loading and intensity.
Recommended loading: two boxes per day
Tuesday
Mini* muffin day: This one is the next step up. While they haven’t been around
long, they’re a great pre-breakfast snack. There’s nothing better then kicking
back with a box of these and a large 64 ounce coffee as you drive to the Waffle
House for breakfast. Granted, the name “mini” isn’t a good thing at all. This is
why you have to ram these down one box at a time. There’s no way around this
one. It has to be done that way or you’ll stay unyoked for a very long time.
Recommended loading: one box on the way to breakfast
*Because of the name “mini,” this has to be done on a non-training day. It
might be a good idea to avoid sex on this day as well.
Wednesday
“Nibble them slowly, like a king or queen, and savor the creamy goodness of every morsel, or bite right into that creamy center and get a mouthful of chocolate goodness.”
This is bull crap. You gotta pound these down! Anymore than two bites per dong
and you are losing ground. You know what I mean. Screw royalty. This is about
getting yoked.
Recommended loading: This is a high day so three boxes are in the cards—one
box after breakfast, one after lunch, and one before bed.
Thursday
Two pies each feeding
8:00 a.m.: apple
10:00 a.m.: cherry
12:00 p.m.: pineapple
2:00 p.m.: lemon
4:00 p.m.: blackberry
6:00 p.m.: strawberry
8:00 p.m.: french apple
10:00 p.m.: apple
12:00 p.m.: cherry
2:00 a.m.: strawberry
4:00 a.m.: pineapple
6:00 a.m.: cherry
Yes, you’ll need to wake up in the night and eat. But nobody ever said that getting yoked would be easy. Sometimes you just need to man up and do what you gotta do.
Friday
Recommended loading: This is usually the night before a heavy training
session so a huge bloat is necessary. This loading is totally dependent on how
much you can handle. Just keep loading until you feel like you will pop. You
will and then use one rest pause set. Rest for 36.4 minutes and try to kick back
50 percent of the first set.
Saturday
Recommended loading: Eat four boxes. Try one on your way to the gym for that
last pick me up and one right after training to take advantage of that
post-workout HoHo window. To make things easy, it would be a good idea to have
the last two boxes in the freezer ready to go before hand. There’s nothing
better than watching the game with a couple dozen frozen HoHo’s.
Sunday
Tip: In case you were wondering, they will float and are just as good wet as dry. Just make sure if you do drop one in the can, it isn’t after number two. If this is the case, make sure to grab the one with the hole in the center.
Recommended loading: Use the instinctive training principle on this one. This is
a day of rest.
There you go—the seven day plan to getting yoked. My training...
Dumbbell curls:
55 X 12...8...6
55 X 12...8...6
55 X 12...8...6
Barbell extension with
monster mini bands:
135 X 12...8...5
135 X 12...8...5
135 X 8...5....5
Cable curls s/s with close bar presses: three sets to failure each movement
Machine curls s/s double press downs: three sets to failure
Light abs
Bike: 45 Minutes
I know I had a major cheat meal yesterday, but I still can’t get Hostess off of
my mind.
Click here for Dave's Training Log
Dave Tate is the founder and CEO of Elite Fitness Systems, staffed by experienced professionals dedicated to providing strength coaches, athletes and trainers with the highest-quality equipment, personalized service and extensive knowledge needed to advance their training programs. Dave has been involved with powerlifting for more than two and a half decades as a world-class participant, coach and consultant. He has logged more than 10,000 hours of personal training and strength consulting sessions with professional, elite and novice athletes, as well as with professional and university strength coaches. He holds Elite status in powerlifting (in three weight classes) with best lifts of a 935 squat, 740 deadlift, 610 bench press and 2,205 total. In addition to remaining active as a participant who still pushes himself to excel, Dave contributes insights and inspiration to the sport that has shaped him. Through Elite Fitness Systems, he has conducted hundreds of influential seminars and clinics nationwide for gyms, training centers, schools and universities. He has written more than 100 articles on strength training for magazines and web sites, including Powerlifting USA, Men’s Fitness, Men’s Health and T-Nation.com. This athlete-entrepreneur earned a Lifetime Achievement award in 2005 from the Society for Weight Training Specialists.
Dave Tate’s impact also extends beyond training techniques and beyond his sport. As a business adviser, motivational speaker and author, he shows how athletic disciplines teach valuable lessons for overall achievement. “We each have all we need to achieve success in anything we choose to do,” says Tate, describing the theme of his 2005 book, Under the Bar / Twelve Lessons of Life from the World of Powerlifting. He lives with his family in London, Ohio.
Elite Fitness Systems strives to be a recognized leader in the strength training industry by providing the highest quality strength training products and services while providing the highest level of customer service in the industry. For the best training equipment, information, and accessories, visit us at www.EliteFTS.com.