"The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. So be careful when using it."
"If your foot slips, you can always recover your balance. But when your tongue slips, you can never recover your own words."
Sticks and stones... remember that ol childhood saying? Sure it may teach kids in simplicity to not worry about what others say. But truth is we've all been hurt by someone's rude tongue.
What's been on my mind lately, as the subject of words, tongue and speaking can go in many directions, is how we speak when we're angry. Or hurt. Or sad. Or emotional.
When one of those feelings creeps in, we are so quick to react. We say something, often "sarcastically" as an excuse to get our point across. But be honest... the sarcasm was meant to sting the other person (and probably held a bit of truth in your heart.) You spoke it out of a negative emotion rather than trying to either gather more information or simply change your words to speak it more kindly.
I hate to admit that I do this. I call it sass. Yep... like an immature 5 year old, I snap words back. After all, I'm feeling (fill in the blank... hurt, sad, etc). So of course my reaction is to snap back so the other person not only feels hurt too, but knows that I'm hurt. So there.......
But what happens if I just don't say anything? I mean, is it really worth me lashing sass (which is really just a "sarcastic" form of anger and hurt) and making the other person angry, drawing out an even bigger, more absurd argument? I know what you're thinking.... hell yeah!! They made me angry so I'm gonna give it back!
99.9% of the time I speak this sass too quickly only to find out that I really didn't have all the details and information. So I'm learning to ask questions... and with kinder words. Usually turns out I have nothing to be upset about.
You can relate this to many different scenarios in your life.
- training partners
- best friends
- co-workers
-strangers at the grocery store/Starbucks/gym
- social media (oh seriously, this is a huge offender because it's so easy for us to just type a snappy response.)
- relationship/significant other (for some reason we think it's ok to get sassy with these people the most... I mean, after all, they are supposed to love us regardless... right? But I think we'd all be amazed if we came at it from a respectful, loving and communicative approach... mind blown.)
I catch myself still being a sass queen at times. I did it the other day. And 30 seconds after the words spit out, I admitted my sassiness, explained why I felt that way and apologized. And you know what... all was good, thankfully. It could've easily turned into a full blown fight, but thankfully I became an adult and apologized. And thankfully the other person is also an adult. And like two adults we talked it out.
I think in this day and age of social media it's easy to get caught up in speaking and talking and always trying to "be right." We stand up for ourselves and demand that we have a right to feel a certain way or to even speak our minds. And we sure do. But at what expense? Sometimes learning to hold our tongue (or speak more kindly) helps us to see who we are and what kind of person we want to be.
All that sass... all the disrespectful comments, sarcasm, stabbing words... that wears on people. And when it's done to the same people over and over.... eventually the ties will be severed. And often those are too broken to repair.
It's amazing when you approach any relationship without having to always have the last word, or to always be right, or to always throw a punch to make sure the other person knows how you feel. I'm not perfect at it, but I do catch myself more often. And when I take the higher approach to ask questions or get more information, it's always a smoother conversation.
Let's face it... some people will continue to be nasty and rude. And we often don't know their reason behind the incessant words and stabs. But playing into it with them makes you look just as much like a jackass. Be kind... especially to those you love.