ANNEVILLE NEWS:
Last weekend I was given the opportunity to be a keynote speaker at the Women’s Empowerment weekend in Tampa, Florida hosted by Jamie Pinder. The event was a fundraiser for a local women’s shelter. I have had to take refuge at a women’s shelter shortly after I gave birth to my daughter. I had just turned 19 years old. I had met her bio dad while I was hanging around the wrong kids. Partying, getting high and drunk in high school. He quickly became physically, mentally and verbally abusive. During one of these episodes, I became pregnant and didn’t know till the end of my first trimester. My best friend (still, to this day), dropped me and my newborn daughter off at a local women’s shelter in Trenton, NJ. Looking back this weekend, I realized that was the first step I ever took towards recovery and empowerment.
Earlier in the week, I had received some bad news. I had learned that the oldest cousin of my generation had passed away. She was just shy of turning 60 years old. She was not sick. The last conversation I had with her privately, she had told me how proud she was of me for being able to stop drinking. She was drunk. She was usually drunk. But she was also very loving sweet and accepting of others. I know one of the reasons why I love people so effortlessly is because of her early influence on me. I had since heard that she was trying desperately to stop but couldn’t. She no longer must bear the cross of this evil, cunning, and baffling disease. But she left behind children and grandchildren and many of us who loved her.
I wanted to cancel. I didn’t want to share any stories. I wanted to be angry at home. Fear had overcome me. “What if I slip one day?” “Why am I still here?” Then the guilt joined the fear. Even down to the last few hours, rushing to finish programs and pack, I thought about canceling. Wanting to be close to her husband and kids in New Jersey, I thought to myself, “maybe I should cancel and go to NJ.” In recovery, I learned the best way to get over yourself is to help another individual. I had made the commitment and decided to follow through. She had a big influence on the music I listened to, so I played songs that made me think of her the entire 4-hour drive while I both laughed and cried.
Upon my arrival, I got to see my friend and roommate for the weekend, Traci Tate. The Strong-her apparel line was a vendor at this amazing event. This was the first opportunity for women to see the Strong-her apparel line before it is officially launched. It was great to unplug and catch up with her.
Originally, I thought I was just going to speak to a small group but the change was made for me to be the first keynote speaker and of course, I didn’t want to do it. That was my signal that I knew I needed to. We do not grow in comfort. The more uncomfortable I force myself to be, the more I grow as a person. I had never shared my story like this before, standing with a microphone in front of a crowd of people. I had only shared what is here with you and in AA meetings or private discussions with friends. About five minutes in, I started seeing people wipe away tears. I saw laughter. I saw heads nodding in approval. I felt all my negativity fall away. I felt accepted and loved. I sat with one girl right on the floor and held her. I had several moving conversations following. In sharing my story, I was able to heal. The best way to get over your life is to start caring about others. I believe I made some lasting connections and I believe I did the best I could to PASS ON what I have lived and learned. I will continue to.
I have a lot of take away’s from this event. But the weekend didn’t stop here. After a long day of standing on our feet, Traci and I met up with the Yerakadu’s from Iron Bound Barbell Club. The powerlifting team I am so very blessed to be on. We had a fantastic dinner and conversation. The next morning we all met at the gym to train with the team. I was feeling anxious because my squats had taken a shit after my mishap a few weeks back where I did a negative good morning with 95% of my squat on my back and pins that were set too low. I also get sick to my stomach as I write this thinking about having fucking wraps on my legs. This too was on my docket for the day. Training went great! The wraps are sheer hell but I can't say I didn't love not worrying about my knees while I had 95% (405lbs) on my back. I needed this session BAD. "Pops" (aka Andrew) got me back under the bar with 405 on it again. It felt so awesome! I also spent a good amount of time in my wraps. Which, I need to do a lot more. It was a productive and fun weekend with great friends. Some old, some new. Check it out.
