I am going to take a different direction with this coach log. I think that a lot of bodybuilders don't give enough attention to the psychological aspects of being successful in bodybuilding. Sometimes they do give it the attention but they aren't aware of how to make their situation better or how to change it. In my opinion, it can be psychologically damning if your spouse doesn't support your passion, providing your passion isn't negatively impacting your relationship and your family.
First, when I use the word "success" in relation to bodybuilding, I am not just talking about winning a show; I am talking about being happy while following your passion and also being supported. Success can take on many different faces and the definition of success is determined by the individual. I always laugh when people say that money doesn't mean you are successful. That is not for anyone else to say because each person determines how they define their own success. What might be success to one person, may not necessarily be the same for someone else.
You can ask anyone who bodybuilds, or even just works out, and if their spouse doesn't support them, they will almost always tell you how much this impacts them negatively. It is incredibly difficult to pour yourself into a passion that is not supported by a spouse. The complaints could be the amount of time that is spent in the gym; it could be the amount of money that is spent; or it could be about how "we never eat regular food or go out to eat." Sometimes, it goes even deeper. Trust me when I say that paying your teenage daughter to shave your back is sometimes easier than getting your wife to do it for you because "it's too late" or "I'm too tired." You just have to make sure that you pay your daughter well so that she is totally cool with doing it. lol
PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
The psychological ramifications of not being supported can wreak havoc on a relationship. Most times resentment builds on both sides, over time. Giving 100% to something that is so important to you and then getting no respect or positive feedback can be defeating. The person who isn't into working out can sometimes feel as if what you do is more important than spending time (or money) on them, too. Both sides take a hit.
My situation is a little different than most because I have been married since I was 23. Bodybuilding was there before we were married. This allowed her to understand "what she was getting into" and to understand that she was marrying a bodybuilder. My wife has been supportive of my bodybuilding efforts for the most part. Time at the gym has never been an issue but I couldn't pay her to read one of my articles, listen to one of my podcasts, or to "like" something on my business page. She very simply just doesn't care. I have come to understand her apathy and accept it. I can't "make" her like it, so there is no sense in putting in the effort.
Any spouse that is worth being a spouse, should never get in the way of the other's passion. If you don't support your spouse then you probably shouldn't be together. However, there are plenty of people out there who don't have the support of their spouses and I want to give you a couple of tips on how to deal with it. I've managed to somehow stay married for almost 30 years and though I could end up divorced next year, I am still married for the time being.
NOT THE WRONG ADVISES
My best advice if you aren't supported is to ask yourself why you do what you do. I doubt you do it because you are trying to impress your spouse. For that reason alone, it shouldn't matter what they think. If you resolve to stay with your spouse even though they don't support you, you better shift your mental focus to the point of not caring what they think. After all, you have to be happy with yourself; no one is responsible to make anyone else happy.
My other piece of advice is if you aren't happy in your relationship, get out. I can't imagine being married to someone who didn't support me. I know I would not expect my wife to stay married to me if I didn't support her. Life is too short to make compromises if those compromises make you miserable and take you away from doing something you love. If you don't respect the things your spouse does, you probably shouldn't be a spouse to that person.
Though I have been married for almost 30 years (with most of them being very good), I would not hesitate to get out of the marriage if my wife changed her stance and didn't support me. We have spoken about this and I have told her that if I am ever not supportive of her and what she loves, she needs to do the same thing. She agreed. Any relationship will have compromises, so you have to figure out what you are willing to compromise on and what is non-negotiable. As with success, no one can tell you what the answer is. That's on you.
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