I am really tired of what I feel has not been a very positive time recently.  However, I also feel I have no control over these obstacles, either.  So, I am simply being as transparent as I can and logging what exactly is going on.  I hope it turns around very soon.

Basically, I am either completely fucked in my head and my situation is completely psychological with a lack of motivation and just not wanting to train or I am close to 100% but just not there yet.  I would like to think that is predominately the latter but I admit that I am struggling in my head.

I came back last week after a week of shingles and did feel I was in a pretty good spot from a physical standpoint.  That was backed up by the fact that I had excellent workouts Monday and Tuesday and was very strong and managed to hold a lot of my condition after a long weekend of eating whatever I felt like eating.

However, by Wednesday and Thursday I was feeling pretty beaten down - exhausted, heavy footed, lethargic, etc..  The best way to explain it is that I just felt "off" or like I was not 100% and started to question whether I came back to the gym too quickly after only taking a week off with the shingles.

I trained legs on Thursday and it just didn't go that well.  Muscles were firing hard - like they wanted to rip from the bone - which is always a good feeling but ... I was weak.  When I say I was weak, Mrs. Skip is strong right now but there is always a pretty good disparity between my weights and hers (as it should be).  I knew something was not right when I was doing hacks with 3 plates per side and the reps were just barely moving and she was doing 2.5 plates per side for more reps than I was getting with 3 plates.  She also leg pressed 4 plates per side and I was only doing 5 plates per side and again she was getting more reps than I was.  Now, she is strong right now, but still, that shit said something was wrong.

After training legs that night and the next day I was just destroyed - not destroyed like, "that was an awesome workout and we killed it" but fucking physically destroyed and just didn't feel like even walking short distances.  I was just plain exhausted.  I didn't even feel this when I was prepping.

I decided at the last minute to take off Friday and just rest for the weekend.  When it came time to train on Monday (yesterday) I just didn't want to train - period.  I didn't want to eat or train and I didn't.  I plan to actually take 2 or 3 weeks off from the gym and recover completely because I am tired of this roller coaster ride.  I am not competing so there is no good reason to push myself into the gym and risk something else happening.  Yes, I want to keep my condition but I am tired of dealing with potential health concerns and I am just want to get to 100% and be able to train like I always do.

Admittedly, it could be entirely in my head.  This last weekend was the weekend that I should have been on stage for the first show so that might be playing into it though I don't think it is, it might be.  If it is just an issue of my head not being straight, I will go a week or two and all of a sudden not like how I look or feel and I will then have the urge to get back at it.   

What I think it is, though, is a combination of both in that I have dealt with so much for this prep and then may have come back to the gym too quickly after shingles and for that reason, my head is not on straight and I am not terribly motivated.  I just honestly don't know for sure.

No matter what it is, taking off a couple of weeks (maybe 3) will remedy the problem.   I can get back to 100% and it will eventually kill me to not be in the gym and I will be back at 100%.

I guarantee that when I come back I will be 100%, though.  I have no good reason to push back into the gym sooner.  

I anticipate condition is going to change quickly and as much as that sucks, I need to be 100%.