Mother's Day.
Such a great day to celebrate our moms (or grandmas, aunts, etc). Those that cared for us, raised us, supported us. Celebrating those that may have passed. I have friends who have strained relationships with their mom, which makes Mother's Day a tough one to battle through. We all have a different view of Mother's Day. None right or wrong, just different.
For me, Mother's Day always falls near my daughter's birthday. It's a great reminder of the beautiful girl that made me a mom. At 10, she's teaching me more about parenting, life and myself than I ever thought possible.
This year was a bit hectic. The entire weekend was filled with running around to softball games, fundraiser events, birthday party, visiting with family, staying up late (my kids and me, haha), playing baseball and lots of other things. It was a great weekend. I really can't complain. I shouldn't. I have a lot of good and my blessings far outweigh the rough stuff.
And yet, I wasn't in the mood. I blame it partly on womanly hormones (ok, mostly) and being overly tired (I'm like a cranky toddler when I don't get sleep).
Now, I won't get into what brought me to this thinking, but it was a combination of some personal reflection, some things I've read, some watching others' relationships, some talking to friends. But I know I'm not alone. I'm not bashing Mother's Day one bit (we appreciate the fact that we are doted on and celebrated for an entire day... trust me, it's nice). But I know I'm not the only mom who feels worn down sometimes. I'm not the only one who sometimes sheds a few tears in the bathroom, wipes them off, then emerges with a smile to face her kids and the day ahead.
Sometimes those tears are silly tears, or a bit of crazy emerging (yes, I admit, we all have a little crazy), and sometimes they are more than that.
Now men, I'm not here to hate... and in fact I have some words for women too. So keep your panties on. This is meant to be a window into our minds.
MEN: Tell your woman she's beautiful. Not just when she dresses up, and not just when she's naked. And for the love, please don't say, "Oh, you know I think you're gorgeous, I don't need to tell you." Say it. Say it often. She will notice. I promise.
WOMEN: Accept the dang compliment. Instead of saying, "No I'm not" or "I feel fat" or "My legs look awful", simply say Thank You with a smile and a kiss.
MEN: Love on her. We know you love her. But love ON her. In the way that she needs to be loved. And newsflash.... it's not the same as you. Don't know how she needs to be loved? Read "5 Love Languages" or "Love and Respect" as a start... or be honest and just ask her.
WOMEN: Be attentive to his needs as well. He may not need lovey dovey words, but he wants to be respected and looked up to. He wants to know he can take care of you. When both of you are doing these, sparks fly. Don't wait for the other person to lead. And don't withhold until you get things your way. Give and give some more.
MEN: Don't take for granted that she's there. Don't let her love bucket get empty. Every time you love on her, compliment her or say something sweet, you're literally dropping drops of love in her bucket. Keep the bucket full. You'd be surprised at how the little things add up.
WOMEN: For the love... stop nagging and pestering. Stop with the insignificant things and stop the passive aggressive comments. The more you nag and make him feel like he can't do anything right, the more he will withdraw. If it's a real issue, bring it up... safely and politely. "I have something that's been bothering me for awhile and I'd like to talk about it." And if he's a level-headed guy, he will have an open mind and listen.
MEN: Make her feel important. This may be difficult on a daily basis as work, kids and life pile up. She wants to know you are still madly in love with her. Like when you first met. So make time for her (and not just in the bed room). Be there for her, listen to her, text her, put your phone away when necessary, send silly selfies, say thank you, do something nice for her on a regular basis (see above points), not just Mother's Day.
WOMEN: Give him space when he needs it. Most guys don't need or even want constant attention. If they feel smothered (especially if it's a dating relationship), they will slowly back away. They want to be themselves, their own person, and allowing them to do so shows you trust them. And when trust is given, respect is felt... which makes them love you more.
BOTH: At the end of the day, make sure the other feels loved, respected and wanted. Even if the day was filled with petty arguments, find time to come together and drop the issues (or solve the big ones gradually). Remember that they are not the same person as you. They have different needs and different ways of feeling loved. Learn those.
It's funny as you watch men scramble to the drug store at the last minute for Mother's Day cards (I even witnessed it on Valentine's Day). It's mostly done because shoot, women are notorious for nagging their men... "You didn't even get me a card!" But I'll say this gentlemen.... she's nagging you about a silly card because her bucket is empty... and she's hoping, just hoping, that this day (or birthday or holiday) might be one where she feels appreciated and loved. But if you do the little things regularly, (and yes, women, you too) I promise you.... buying her a card on a holiday because you feel obligated to won't even matter.
Relationships are hard. They take a lot of work for both parties. It's easy to get wrapped up in life. We take for granted that the other person is always there, but like flowers, relationships need to be nurtured, watered and loved. Men, we don't see things the same as you. Women, we don't see things the same as men. That's ok... and we need to remember that when things don't seem to be going our way.