Humor me for one more pouty coach log.
First, let me apologize to everyone who has messaged me asking how I'm doing and giving me support with their kind words. I haven't been returning messages because I have been in a bit of a funk, and reading and responding to the messages simply makes it worse for me. I understand that the messages are well intended, and for that, I appreciate the support. Still, avoiding having to respond has helped me to just kind of step away and not be constantly reminded of the mental battle I have been having -- especially this last week.
I was supposed to be on stage in Tampa this weekend, so this last week leading up to the weekend was especially difficult. I also took the entire week off to rest as much as possible which, as you can imagine, was a difficult decision because not only was I already in a funk but I now was not training, either. It's as if every day I am just thinking, "is it Monday, yet, so I can get back in the gym??"
I will be back at it tomorrow and the game plan is simple:
1. clean everything up and get rid of the massive amount of water I am carrying from the last 4 days of just being "nomal." Normal for me is eating once or twice a day and not drinking any water unless I force myself. It should take about 7-10 days to feel back to normal and as the days pass, my head will be in a much better place.
2. Put a game plan together for the next 6 months. The only thing I know right now is that I am going to stay pretty lean, but that's a given because anyone who knows me or follows me, knows that I do not want to carry excess body fat and don't NEED to carry excess body fat to progress and grow. Insulin sensitivity is key and staying leaner helps me to do stay sensitive. This is why, in large part, I was so strong during this prep phase. How lean is more the question. I could have thought about this over the last week, but my intent was to put my bodybuilding on the back burner so that I could just get through the week without dwelling on how shitty this entire situation has been.
3. Rest the hip as long as is needed. Right now, the plan is to wait 3 weeks (already has been 3 weeks of not training legs) and then feel out whether I can start to play with very light isolation exercises to see how I feel. I do plan to still train calves and maybe even hamstrings with hamstring curls, starting this next week. It is the hip and quad that I need to be very careful with.
I do feel that I am recovering relatively well. My quad pain is gone, completely. However, the hematoma is still there, but slowly getting smaller as time passes. It is possible that light, pumping sets for quads will help it dissipate more, but I need to balance that with whether that same leg work could irritate the hip, and I certainly don't want that.
The hip is much improved, as well, but on occasion -- for no real obvious reason -- will feel sensitive or slightly irritated. This happens if I am on my feet training clients for a while. It isn't painful, but it just gets irritated. External rotation of the hip (ROM) is improving quite a bit and I would guess it to be about 40-50% of my usual ROM. That may not sound very good, but understand that for the first few weeks, my ability to externally rotate at the hip was MAYBE 10%. I could BARELY rotate, at all, without pain.
I know that as I move into my leg training -- hopefully, in the next 3-5 weeks -- I will be very careful with exercise selection and with poundages, going more for a pump than jumping back into bigger weights and compound movements. I will avoid hip and glute dominant exercises, at first, in favor of things like sissy squats, leg extensions, etc. There will be no squatting or leg pressing, at all, even though these machines are fixed (gluteus medius being a stabilizer of the hip).
Even though I'm pouty and still am struggling with the situation, I am very happy that the rupture was not a complete rupture. The thought of surgery and the much longer recovery period would have been horrible. I don't know that it being a partial rupture is a "silver lining" because I'm not in a place right now that I see any silver lining, at all, but I do admit that it could have been much worse.
It has been a shitty year for a lot of people. For that reason, I am forcing myself to find perspective but it's just hard. I did not have to deal with what a lot of people had to deal with (and still might be dealing with) from financial woes to questioning whether they had a job, family health, etc. Clearly, there are more important things than a bodybuilding show. Still, when you pour yourself into something and it is going so well, it's a hard hit when something like this happens.
I am back in the gym tomorrow. I will be in a much better place within 2 sets of that workout. Once I get a pump, I have a feeling my psyche will change gears, quickly. My next coach log will be positive and looking forward.
To those who reached out to me over the last few weeks, I do appreciate it.
Check out the new elitefts training hats below by clicking on the pic:
