It's the season of thanksgiving... as turkey day just passed and Christmas is on the horizon. People start reflecting on the year and finding all the things they are grateful for.  Which is truly a great thing and something we should be doing all the time.

I'm always fascinated seeing what people are grateful for.  Of course there's their kids, family, spouse, and job.  Maybe even doctors who aided in medical care or moving to a new city to start a new life.

The last couple years haven't been easy (if you follow the few logs when I talk about personal stuff).  They certainly had positive moments and good memories but were also paired with anxiety and fear.  The testing of my patience and confidence arose more times than I could count.

The middle portion of the year is when things got muddy.  Personal and life decisions that I personally made were things I wrestled with and decisions not made by me that seemed to pierce my core.

At one point late in the summer, I remember telling a friend, "I'm ok.  And this time I really am." Gradually and slowly, each day, the weights were lifted (pun intended). Things became clearer in many areas of my life.

So as this time of year approaches, I can't help but be thankful for some non-traditional things.  And I mean truly grateful:

1. I'm grateful for the people that have gone from my life.  Various scenarios caused me to "lose" people I was close with (and some I wasn't close with). Each of these situations opened my eyes in different ways.  That sometimes no matter what you do or say people leave your life.... for reasons you will never understand... for reasons far beyond your control... and for things that you didn't even do.  But for some reason, not having those people around opened up your life to other people and other situations.

As the days went on, I found more of myself and stood up for things I didn't in the past. Do I claim to be perfect in this situations? Absolutely not. Did I look deeply at each scenario to see my own faults and errors? Of course.  And I take ownership if and when I found them. And in the end, some moved out of my life by their own doing, while others had to be cut off because it was potentially toxic.

2. I'm grateful for friends that ask the tough questions.  I often talk about having a small circle and those that know your story... like really know your story.  They are the ones that listen, smile, cry, laugh and support you.  But they don't just pat you on the back. They actually make you think.  They ask the questions that you don't really want to answer.  The ones that might seem harsh at first.

But they aren't asking to be judgmental at all.  They are asking the easy and the hard questions... to make you dig deep and really find the root of the issue.  This isn't easy and forces you to put ego and defenses aside.  They aren't necessarily concerned with your answer specifically, but that you are being honest with yourself.

I have a few friends that do that for me.  They have challenged my thinking in many areas of my life.  Sometimes I come to really great conclusions and sometimes I am left with a *face palm* emoji look on my face.  It would be easy for all parties involved to be judgmental at this point, even myself TO myself.  But I have learned not to feel that way, but to instead take what I learned and move forward... grow... change.

Which leads me to the final thing....

3. I am grateful for change. I have heard people say, "I'll never change.  This is who I am." And while that is true to a degree (we as individuals have certain tendencies to act a certain way), if we are not changing (growing, learning, modifying, adjusting) then we will continue to run face first into the same issues over... and over... and over.

I have watched friends change drastically and many of them toward really good things.  And I've watched people stay the same... they fool themselves into thinking they are growing, but aren't.  And perhaps they just aren't ready for it.

Every person is currently equipped with certain "skills".  Much like training, at any given point in time, we have certain traits and qualities that we utilize to perform a lift.  Until those new "skills" are learned and engrained, we can't utilize them.

Learning to accept fault when you make a mistake
Learning to apologize when, and only when, it is needed
Learning to look inward to find the roots of your issues
Learning to stand up for yourself
Learning to communicate in a way that seems foreign to you, but not to the person you're speaking to
Learning to manage your time wisely
Learning to differentiate when to be selfless and selfish
Learning to face your fears and not run from them
Learning to give and receive love

Every person is doing the best they can with what they have.  What's that mean? With the skill set, mindset, and emotional state they currently have, they are doing the best they can. They can do no more until they dig, learn and repeat.

A couple years ago, I would not have been grateful for these things.  I would've fought them tooth and nail until I was blue in the face.  But as I've grown, as I have seen life ebb and flow, I have come to realize that these seemingly "negative" things have allowed me to be in the place I am now.

One truly has to be in a good place to not only look objectively but to dig deep... to really know you are "ok" and doing well... to really be thankful for things like this.  There are moments of struggle, but that's what your small circle is for, right?  You won't be perfect all the time, but they will be there to hold your hand and stand you back up.

So to those above, thank you.
To my small cirlce, thank you even more.