It's pretty crazy how fast 10 weeks can go by when you aren't having to commit to going to the gym, preparing meals or doing cardio.  I won't lie, I didn't mind the extra time to get more work done, and sometimes just sit around and do nothing.  That part wasn't horrible, at all.

The part that eventually got horrible was how I felt and looked.  However, it should be noted that the one thing I noticed while we were vacationing in NYC not long ago, people couldn't give a shit if you are in shape or not.  We all seem to matter far less than we think we do.  It shouldn't have taken me standing in Times Square to figure it out but it did hit me while watching all of these people hurrying - not stop - to get somewhere.   They cared none.  Then I thought about Fort Lauderdale and even Colorado and realized that the only people who might give a shit are my friends.  Then, it occurred to me that my friends don't give a shit if I workout, either.  My kids?  They damn sure would rather I was home doing nothing vs. being at the gym.  WTF am I doing this for?

Ah, yes, ME.   This massive, overblown sacrifice of time and energy that consumes a large part of each day for the last 3+ decades only really matters to me.  At the same time that I feel I enjoy being in the gym, everything else about it is questionable.  I despise shaving and I despise cardio.  Tanning is boring and prepping food for the week is crap, too.  I think it is safe to say that if I could just not be a total fat, out of shape, pale-whitey without working out, I would so do it.  I could be that guy that just doesn't look like shit vs. the guy who everyone notices.  It has been a very long time since I have needed that kind of attention.  

Or has it.

Maybe, if I am being honest, I want to be noticed - not for being the biggest and baddest guy in the room, but at least noticed for being in great shape at my age.  There might be something kind of cool to hear a younger 20-something say in the gym that he wishes he could "get ripped like that."   

The more I think about it, maybe it has only been about 10 weeks since I have needed that kind of attention.