I am avoiding the mirror like it's a 25-year-old hot girl eyeing me in the gym (pretend it could happen). That glass refraction is not telling the truth. I feel much bigger, leaner and tanner than my reflection. I mean, it's been TWO WHOLE weeks that I have been back training so I just don't get it.
Even after so many years of doing this and preaching to clients about patience, I am one the most impatient people I know. If you ask my kids they will say the same thing. I am impatient about EVERYTHING - even outside of the gym. I hate waiting on anyone for anything. So, it should come as no surprise that I want to be back in shape like I was - tan, strong and lean as hell. I don't think that is too much to ask... in 2 weeks, right?
It is funny how long it takes to build strength and get into great condition and then how quickly it goes. I have turned into a pig in only 2 months. Ok, ok, I ate like a pig when I was not training because, well, when I don't train, I don't eat right. It's just the way I have always been. I'm an all or nothing kind of guy and I am paying the price. I knew it when I was shoveling pancakes and burgers in my face hole and didn't care then so I really shouldn't care now. I knew what I was doing and I knew I needed a break. I took it and I knew the consequences so I really shouldn't be complaining now.
But I will, anyway.
At least this week (being the second week back), my muscles FEEL like they are back to normal. My weights are up considerably from last week and the soreness is nothing of what it was last week. That is to say I am not crippled this week. I actually feel like I have been training for weeks on end in that I am not overly sore, the muscles are contracting like they should be, I feel quite a bit bigger as I have started to fill out what with also being back on trt now, too.
And then I look in that damn mirror and I am reminded that I am a fat, white, hairy, middle-aged guy (47 is middle-aged to you young guys so don't be an asshole and say "you're not middle-aged, your old").
It's been 2 weeks.
It's been 2 weeks.
It's been 2 weeks.
I just keep telling myself this over and over.
I'm coming back. I will be back in shape soon. Another 2 weeks? Probably not but I will be that much closer to where I want to be.
And please understand that I am not all concerned about what others think about how I look. Hell, they probably don't think I look as bad as I think I do. It's about ME and how I feel about me. I am almost always in shape and when I'm not, I admit that I don't feel good about it. Insecurity? Possibly. I guess I don't dig that deep into it to really figure it out. I would rather just take the steps that I know will get me to where I want to be and do it as quickly as I can. My training is about me so screw everyone else... and screw that damn mirror.
