So. There. I. Was. Not long ago I was sitting in a Dr's office with a family of a child that I could guarantee you was a child with Autism. The Law says that only a psychiatrist can give an official diagnosis and the parents really needed us there with them to take in the news that we all knew was coming.
Your child is Autistic, the psychiatrist told the parents. The father, too busy making milk on the go to really even give much attention to the Dr, says "OK" and that was it. The Dr asked "What do you mean OK? You mean that you are OK with your child having Autism?" The father looked up and said "Yes. It doesn't change anything from what we knew 5 minutes ago. What we need now is for you to tell us what to do next."
And then the Dr said the magical words that clearly defines why they make a stack of cash per visit...
"Work on sensory issues and we will see you in a few months".
The parents were happy and satisfied while my wife and I were enraged. "Work on sensory issues". You can't imagine the bad words I was saying under my breath at this point in time as well as over the 45 minute drive home where my face kept getting more red.
Why? Because essentially a Dr had just told the parents NOTHING and gotten paid and got respect for it!
Let me put it to you in another situation and maybe it will make better sense. Several years ago I had a group of clients that really kept me extra busy. One of those clients, I simply could not get their deadlift to click right and I could not get their technique to hit the right groove. I tried everything that I could so I actually paid for them to go and visit and have a full assessment with another coach within driving distance. I can't stand for a single client of mine to not have the best service possible and if I can't figure out their issues I will make sure that someone will.
Several hundred dollars later, I get the "full assessment" back from this well-famed coach. "Work on the glutes".
Work on the glutes? Son of a freaking monkey's uncle Work on the Glutes? What the heck does that tell me? To the average Joe Gym Rat it might make them happy till they realize that they have no idea what they are supposed to ACTUALLY DO in order to "work on their glutes". That tells me abso-freaking-lutely-NOTHING! What am I supposed to do? Massage them? Punch them? Glute bridges? Butt kick backs on a low cable row machine? One legged leg press? I paid money for this?!
You know what they COULD have said:
"For the next 6 weeks I'd like to see you hit more volume in the 70-77% range on deadlifts, never pushing harder than an 80% effort on any given set BUT afterwards look at taking a guesstimate of what your sumo deadlift max might be and hit 60% x 5 x 4 sets on week 1, 65% x 4 x 4 sets on week 2, 70% x 3 x 3 on week 3, then assess to see if they are seeing a difference and repeat"
Also acceptable might have been:
"Increase band tension on their box squat or look to switch from bands to chains. Widen their box squat stance by 2 inches per foot and raise the box height by 2 inches to take their lower back issues out of the box squat so that they can still focus on their glute activation without lower back injury. Assess again after 4 weeks to see if they see improvement."
Also, they could have said something like:
"Begin and finish all training sessions with some sled walks for distances of 10 minutes straight, 15 minutes straight, 1/2, 3/4 and 1 full mile over time to see if this improves their body posture."
I might have even accepted:
"Look to create a circuit of mid shin box step ups straight to "Bad Girls" with a light band each for 30 seconds work and 30 seconds rest for 6 rounds each for the next 3 weeks, then 1 week rest."
What I don't accept is "Work on the glutes" and I sure as heck do not accept "Work on sensory issues."
So here is my advice to you. If you are paying for programming or advice, make sure that there is some actual PROGRAMMING going on and not just "work on your glutes".
If the Dr pulls out the "Work on sensory issues" then I suggest you pull the nose torque bottle out of your cargo camo shorts, take several hits of it, and start throwing around every chair in the room. When the Dr finally gets a word in after you've "finished your set", please explain to her that the guy online told you to "work on your explosive cardio" so you want to make sure that you follow their advice completely. Then pull the top off of your nose torque bottle, toss it at the Dr like a grenade, and grab your family and run out the door like your life depends on it.
Now, aren't you glad you always keep your torque bottle in your cargo camos as well as having a back up in the car and another back up in the gym and another back up at home in the cabinet?
Work on sensory issues... I'm the one holding the grenade pin...
