When it comes to reaching our goals as humans, we sometimes f*ck it up. Regardless of the f*ckery, at the end of the day, it is always on us. Taking ownership of everything empowers us to change anything. But there will be days where ownership, insecurity, and even fear are daunting and a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes we get stuck with our heads up our arse, so let this article serve as a reminder of how to get it out.
Focus on logic, not emotion.
Humans are emotional beings, and this is normal. I am not bashing emotions. Most people can do with a little more emotional intelligence. However, a good step to getting your head out of your arse is to find balance between logic and emotion. Both are equally as important, but when we let our emotions run rampant and bury logic, shit goes south. So how does this look?
Maybe you find yourself complaining or frustrated that you gained five pounds "out of nowhere." No, you did not gain five pounds "out of nowhere." That five pounds came from your three-day binge and drink fest, which is literally just water weight and food volume anyways. Now, if you continue this behavior for a week, then yes, true fat gain will occur. But stop losing your shit over the scale when you ate like an arsehole (or asshole) for three days straight. NO SHIT, you will be heavier. The fact that you act surprised shows a pure lack of logic and ownership—an example of where emotions can take over and paint a very unrealistic picture.
Maybe you see a coworker in the workplace getting promotion after promotion and raise after raise while you are still in your entry-level position. No, you are probably not unlucky, and your coworker isn't cheating the system. There's a good chance they simply work their arse off and you don't. Again, see the situation for what it truly is and set forth an action plan to change. Do you want that raise? Work for it. Ask for it. Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for it to fall in your lap. And if you are busting your arse and it's not being recognized, it is your responsibility to know your worth and leave. If COVID-19 has taught us anything, it is that job security is a myth. So get over that. Staying in a job that you hate or aren't rewarded appropriately is stemmed from fear. Again, an emotion that can hold us back from seeing our true potential.
Stop comparing yourself to everyone but you.
We all do this from time to time, we are human, and it happens. But at the end of the day, you need to cut that shit out. There will always be people who are stronger than you, bigger than you, leaner than you, more successful than you. Get over it! Stop focusing on everyone else's green grass while you let your grass die. If you truly focus on yourself, you stop giving a shit about what everyone else is doing. And when that happens, guess what? You improve! You stick to your plan! You stay focused! All of which drive success. Success doesn't come from crossing your arms in a temper tantrum because everyone has it "easier" than you. They probably don't, and every successful person I know has a hell of a back story. The more you let other people's wins somehow let you feel inferior you will stay there. Comparison in that nature comes from a scarcity mindset. You feel like there is a cap on how much success can go around, so when you see someone succeed, you fear that they took a piece of the success pie away from you. But in reality, there are a million success pies to go around. Everyone can have a piece. The more you view it that way, in a mindset of abundance, the sooner you will flourish. And the more you embrace abundance, the more you will look at those successful people in a light of motivation and inspiration, not out of jealousy.
Take ownership and quit pointing fingers.
Your kids do not make you buy Twinkies and chips at the store because that is what "kids eat," which is complete bullshit by the way. Your 250-pound bodybuilder husband does not shove 5,000 cals down your throat because that is what he can eat. Your coworkers do not force you to eat the donuts Karen brought to the staff meeting. The rain does not prevent your car from starting to get to the gym. Stop pointing the finger! You have complete control over your choices, and I mean COMPLETE control. You may have outside factors that influence you, but you do not lack choices and decision making because of it. When you forgo ownership, you take away your power. Ownership gives us power to change! Without ownership, we will constantly be stuck in this negative feedback loop where our heads inevitably find their way back into our arses. Your kids, husband, or coworkers, the shitty weather, are not the reason you are 30 pounds overweight. You are the reason you are 30 pounds overweight. The sooner you take ownership, the sooner you can change.
Give yourself permission to succeed.
What are you waiting for? Let me remind you that you do not need permission from anyone to pursue what you want. Do you want to compete in a bodybuilding show? Do it. Do you want to run your own business? Do it. Do you want to write a book? Do it. No one is stopping you, but you!
Imposter syndrome, according to Wikipedia, is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one's accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud." I've seen imposter syndrome show up in my own life, so I am very aware of it when I see it in other people. Getting in your way like this is the ultimate form of sticking your head up your arse. You are literally letting your perception of yourself (not others) hold you back from achieving your goals. There is no co-signing to success. You have to believe in yourself more than anyone and give yourself the opportunity to show up. It is up to you to let yourself succeed. Friends and mentors can push you some along the way, but eventually, it needs to be you carrying the load.
What do you need to do today to get your head out of your arse? And yes, you need to start today, not tomorrow, not Monday. When it is all said and done, you are your own advocate for the life you want and your happiness. Your future successes are 100 percent in your control and hands. And this fact can be the most empowering thing, or it can be the most intimidating thing. But the other hard fact is you have a choice.