I was inspired by my bestie (Hannah)'s article, to share some more personal things, it's been a while.  By the way, if you haven't read her article, you need to, now.  It's shared on my Facebook, and up on the site as well.  It's gold.  I've been trying to work on me.  It's an on-going struggle.  Every day is a struggle - a battle inside my own head.  I've talked before about confidence, and how I don't have much.  I'll get there, one day at a time.  If any of you read my last log, then you know I've been down and out in regards to lifting.  Well, I've been working on that a little bit and formulating a plan.

After BOB3, as I've stated before, I was kind of down, okay not kind of, I was DOWN.  Like, down for the count, I'm tapping out, get me the hell out of here, kind of down.  I knew it would get better, and it is, slowly.  I'm talking about me, emotionally that is, my back is still a no go for training.  So, I wallowed in self pity for a little bit, whatever.  It's okay to be there, you just can't stay there.  I've been doing what I needed to do to get my mind right, allowing things to happen and to fall into place.  You see, I'm a smart girl.  It might take me a while, but I always find my way.  So, I've kind of just been floating, but not really the type of "floating" with no action or purpose.  I'm not even making sense, am I?  What I'm getting at is that I've formulated somewhat of a plan to help me get through the next few months.

1. I'll be using my resources and formulating some kind of training plan that is logical.  I've started to get some ideas from my friend, Laura Phelps, and I'm also traveling out to The Compound to train this coming weekend, so hopefully I can get some ideas there.  Basically I'm just looking at some bodybuilding-type training with tons and tons of hypertrophy.  I'll be building up the muscles in my back, to be able to really support the load I'll be putting on my spine in the future.

2. Get an appointment with an Orthopedic Dr. because...I want to know absolutely everything about what is going on with my spine. This way I can better plan for the future and my training.

3. Absolutely NO loading of the spine, whatsoever.  I've still been experiencing back pain from doing the bare minimum, so I need to be careful with this.

4. Embracing this down time to diet my ass off and get as lean as possible.  And I've already chosen my go-to for this, and it's NOT IIFYM.  Guess I'm going to stop eating pizza or something.

5. Cardio gains, because I've found my love for running again.

I'm sure there are more things, and you can follow the journey/process with me by reading my logs.  More importantly, though, the next few months are all about ME.  Why?  Well, that's easy.  For the first time in my life I plan to do anything and everything that makes me happy.  I'm going to travel, I'm going to try new things, be uncomfortable, date myself, etc.  From age 17-now I have spent literally every moment of my life in a relationship with someone.  So, at 24, you can imagine it's probably pretty important that I date myself, and spend time alone.  It's like I was finding myself, while actively losing myself, all at the same time.  It's confusing and weird.  Finding myself as in, figuring out my passion (lifting & therapy) but also, somewhere through the process losing who I am as a person, what I want, what I stand for, you know, the important things you should be figuring out in your early 20's.  What's important to me?  What makes me happy?  How can I be happy with myself?

You always have a choice.  My journey to happiness & being healthy inside and out starts today.  Step 1: remove all toxic things that no longer bring me happiness or positivity.  You'll be surprised what happens when you remove negativity from your life.  No matter how much you love it or want it, if it no longer brings you joy or positively affects you, LET. IT. GO.  This could be your job, friends, family, situations, etc.  Let it go.  All of it.  Sometimes this means thinking with your head, not your heart.  Stop making excuses & let it go.  Let me say it one more time, so you can understand....let it go.