I planned on going to OBB today. I packed my bag, got my shaker cup ready, headphones and Ipod and put them all in my car, but not before my wife saw my bag by the door. She didn't say anything, but I knew she'd seen it before I put it away simply by her demeanor.
I met her at the clinic after the girls were on the bus and did my office manager duties as well as had a conversation with Scott Paltos. Scott went through the same neck situation I'm dealing with not too long ago and he reached out to share his experience. It was a great talk which made me think about some things regarding surgery, or not having surgery, and what my expectations are. His words hit home and I thank him for taking the time to talk to me.
After our talk and my wife speaking to me before I left the clinic I decided to skip OBB and go to the gun range instead. It's not the gym, but it's still something I love to do that allows me to let off steam as well as focus on something else. I took her Glock 42, my Kahr CW9 and the Beretta 92FS that I use for USPSA competitions. The Glock hadn't been shot in a while so I put a lot of rounds through it first and noticed I was all over the target when that's normally not the case. I switched over to the Beretta to get some practice and something very peculiar happened...I couldn't pull the trigger in double action. I didn't have enough strength in my right index finger to put ~11.5 lbs of pressure on the trigger to fire the weapon. I tried 4 times and couldn't do it. Depressed, sad, angry...I put the Beretta away and switched to the Kahr, my EDC. I was able to go through about 6 mags with no trouble pulling the trigger, but was still all over the target due to the problem with finger strength. It finally got to the point that my hand was exhausted and I couldn't pull the trigger any longer so I switched to my off hand for a few rounds and decided to pack up and head home. I'd had enough.
I drove home in silence and thought about what just happened. If I can't fire my weapon that requires so little amount of force how am I going to be able to deadlift or bench, pick my child up, hold their hands and catch them if they fall? Hell, I had trouble opening the BBQ sauce during dinner Saturday night; it took me three tries. I am around 90% sure I'm going to opt for the surgery unless my neurosurgeon says something otherwise come Friday. I'm not sure he'll be able to tell me that this will all get better without opening me up, but I don't see how it can.
I'll share more info after Friday's appointment.