Last couple of weeks, my Dad and some stories....

I am trying to get through this fog I am in. Im mad. Im sad. Im lost. Im pissed off. I am an Emotional rollercoaster right now....

I went from one of my highest highs in years to my lowest of lows in my life, all in a weeks time....

Im trying each day to get back on my feet but its hard. I have never lost anyone in my life close to me. I don't have siblings, my moms family is all over the country and not close and my dads family is the same. Really it was just myself, my Dad and my daughter. It has been that way most all of my life. I never had a big family nor family reunions. I was just used to my a small circle and I liked that. Less bs and drama. I had more of a close knit and supportive group that kept it simple.

My Dad was everything to me. He taught me how to do everything at a young age. Balance a check book, clean house, mow grass, change oil in my car, build stuff, pay bills, chop wood, be driven, what hard work was, become eduacated, believing in yourself and most importantly to be a man and to be a good parent.

My dad was always there for me. Always. He never missed a practice or a game through my school years (I played baseball, football, basketball and tennis through my school years). He was the dad at games with his big ol VHS camera (you had to be from this era to understand what I am talking about) recording all of my football and basketball games through school. Several times some kids thought a news crew was there filming due to the size of this camera lol. I loved that he was there each game. I would always look up in the stands as we warmed up during football games to make sure he was there. My dad would give a little wave just to let me know he saw me. I think back on this and it makes me tear up. Those days may be long gone but they left an impression on me that would stick with me for the rest of my life.

When I got my drivers license at age 16 my dad bought me a black 1982 Chevy Camero Belennetta. I was so excited. My own car! I tinted the windows, put a sound system in it (a sound system being my stand up speakers from my bedroom stereo system that I put in the trunk) and cleaned it everyday like it was new. This car lasted about 6 months unfortuantly due to a blown head gasket and a cracked head which my dad was not going to have fixed unless I paid for it (I was working at Burger King during this time). So I convinced him that I had found the truck I wanted. A white 1988 Ford Ranger XLT with big tires and rims and everything I wanted on a truck. There was only one thing....it was a 5 speed.

I thought driving a 5 speed would be a cinch. I watched my Dad drive one my whole life. How hard could that be?....well impossible....

Steve told me he agreed the truck was sweet but I would have to pay the payments on them ($185 a month, yes I still remember). I told him no problem I could do that but before we got it he told me: "Son you are going to have to drive this truck home if we get it today. You don't know how to drive a manual and I don't think you can." Well then Ill show him I thought.

To make a long story short my Dad bought me the truck. My Dad left to head home after signing the paperwork. My Dad just left me to drive a 5 speed truck that I don't know how to drive....and hour later, yep an hour, I finally got the truck moving after stalling it a billion times. I was crying, sweating and pissed to high Heaven at this point but determined to get home. Every sales person there at the dealership was standing outside watching me and pointing and laughing at this point. Humiliating....

I got on the main road and was trying my best to avoid any red lights so I did not have to stop and get going again. Fail.... To give you an understanding of the distance from the dealership to my house was about 15 to 20 minutes. It took me two hours to get home. Once I finally got home, my Dad was sitting on the porch smoking a cig, drinking a Budweiser and laughing his ass off. I got out of the truck stormed into the house and went to my room. Even in my room I could hear him laughing still.

And this was how my Dad raised me. Tough love. No babying or pampering. He made me figure stuff out good or bad. I hated him at the time for it as most kids do with their parents but loved him for it as I began to become and adult and realized he was preparing me for life. And this is how things went for me as a kid and a teen. He always had me learning. He loved teaching and passing on what he knew to me. I was a sponge for his knowledge.

My Dad was a Vietnam Vet in The Army, a college graduate and a carpenter by trade amongst many other trades (electrician, metal fabricator, mechanic). His ability to fix all and everything astounded me as a youngster. I wanted to be like my father. So when I graduated high school I went to college to be an electrician. I loved repairing and making stuff work. I got into a maintenance tech job and for 10 years I learned how to weld, work on hydraulics, pneumatics, electronics, plumbing and more while at this job. My Dad was very proud of me and that's what I wanted more than anything for him to be proud of me wether it was in my athletics, academics, my job or anything I accomplished.

When I was 12 years old my dad bought me my first weight lifting set. He got me an old concrete weights set with the plastic covering that would crack and had to be duck taped to stay together, a bench and a bar. I was ecstatic about this. Dad knew my fascination with body builders like Arnold and Lou during their era. I had a ton of Muscle magazines and read them cover to cover many times over. I wanted to be big and strong. I lifted weights out on our covered porch everyday for a couple of years until I out grew the weight set he bought. Once I was 15 my Dad got me a membership to a local gym here where we lived. He dropped me off and said find the biggest guy in there and learn from him. I did, and learn I did. I trained at this gym all through high school plus trained at the weight room at our high school for weightlifting class and football. I lived in a gym all of the time. All I wanted was to get big and strong.

To say my dad got me started in weight training is an understatement. He bought me my first weight training equipment, set me up at a local gym and supported my new found love. He bought me magazine's and jugs of protein and vitamins all through school. He saw my love and dedication to the sport and supported me fully. Other dads took their kids hunting and fishing around her but my dad took me to the gym. He enjoyed watching me and seeing my passion for what I loved and always supported it. I love him for this. I love him for all he did for me but for most of all for the love he gave me and treating me like the best son on the planet. He was always there for me....

Its hard typing this stuff down. I have cried numerous times and laughed just as many as I have been putting this down. My hero is gone but not forgotten. Steve was my hero and the man I looked up to my whole life and respected. I knew not to be coy or a smartass with my Dad. I knew better. I would have gotten my jaw rocked if I did. He taught me to give respect is how your earn it. He taught me a lot of things. Things I will never forget and things I pass on to my daughter all of the time. Steve made me the man I am today and the father I am as well. I hope to be half the man my Dad was one day. He is was my friend, my mentor, me hero and my Dad. I will miss you Dad. I know you are in a better place and the pain is gone but my selfishness wishes you were still here to guide me, support me and help me. You were always my go to when I need advice. I love you and will not let you down. Thank you for always being there for me....