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I thought a lot recently about if I wanted to write a post about this, but I'm an open book for the most part. There isn't much that I keep hidden deep down and don't tell people. I also realize that many times there are others out there that are going through the same struggles I might be having. It's always nice to find someone that you can relate to, both physically and emotionally. I don't intend this to be a sappy post, but it's a real issue that DOES exist, even in the sport of powerlifting, or any strength sport. It's a part of life, and everyone will likely go through it at some point. Just how we handle things, might be different than others.
Not too long ago, I sadly had a falling out in a great relationship, with an even greater woman. We had been together for over four years since undergrad, and this was by far the best and healthiest relationship that I had ever been in. Quite frankly, for a greater part of the final year, I thought I had found "the one", but just the way life has played out so far, I knew not to encroach any further. We knew it wasn't right, and had even agreed mutually upon that decision for the time being.
Unfortunately with this relationship, things fell south. I'm not going to get into details, but basically there were underlying issues with other aspects of the relationship with other parties. This probably had a large majority to do with the end of such a great run, but deep down I'll never know as this was not my doing. (And for reference, I'm not placing blame, as later you will see why).
Over the course of the past weeks, I began to think what I could have done differently to be a better partner, boyfriend, companion, and lover. My mind swirled, but really, there wasn't much else I could do. I went through some rough stints, but I grew with maturity to fix those and the health of the relationship reflected that.
However, as I inspected much more closely, there were many times I was putting training, powerlifting, business, and other variables in the way and prioritized in the wrong spot. My love was there, but I wasn't displaying it the way I probably should have.
Looking back, as I began to get more competitive, things in my life began to fall off, and all that seemed to matter on the outside was training, powerlifting, and business. I wasn't doing a good job of being me for that specific person. Yes, I was still being a great partner and doing my part, but at times I can see how I wasn't as well.
With coming from a strength background, dealing with the aftermath tends to mean going into the gym and releasing that stress through the iron. This can have positive and negative consequences.
- Your training will either suffer, or will be better (for a brief stint of time), Regardless, you will get burnt out MUCH faster.
- Sleep quality is going to decrease
- Time alone is going to allow for your mind to race, so you will want to get in more sessions to fill the void
- You will think back of training related things you did together (chances are if you are in iron, your significant other at least "works out" and has joined you )
I'm here to tell you, that this is a hard time. Stress management needs to be your utmost priority. It doesn't matter how you do this, but you need to find something that works. Trust me, I know it sounds sappy coming from a guy, but love is a mutual feeling between two people, and any guy that says he just gets over a relationship in a matter of weeks is full of shit. If she was a good partner, and it was a pretty healthy relationship, things are going to hurt. I'm just willing to admit that up front.
What I wish I would have done was find a better balance. My partner knew I was highly competitive, understood what being part of Elitefts means to me, and that training and powerlifting is a deep passion. I can't thank her enough for that. But, I probably pushed my luck more than I was willing to admit. I spent way too much time talking, doing, and being about lifting. Now, this wasn't why the relationship came to an end, but I'm sure this was a break to her once the relationship was cut off.
My love for training will always exist.
It's almost like the movie Love and Basketball, where there is so much passion and drive to become a pro, that sight is lost on the true love of people and relationships. Things began to be taken for granted, until they are GONE.
Moving forward, I'm going to try to establish relationships based upon what is of mutual interest, and leave training and powerlifting to when training and powerlifting matter. Blast or Dust, so to speak.
Just know that the iron will always be there. Relationships may not be. I've taken much more interest in my friends and family lately, and ironically enough I've found that even those relationships began to suffer. We can have relationships OUTSIDE of training. Sure, it's nice to have people around you that understand what passion truly is, and how training makes you feel. It's a one of a kind. But these people probably also have their own passions as well, and it very well might be you.
Were the PR's really worth it?
Maybe for the brief moment in time, yes, absolutely.
In hindsight, I'm still not sure.
Thanks for the kind words and support (as always!). I can't wait to see you again, too! :)