Where to even begin? I guess I just want to start off this log reiterating that I am still following 5th Set, just modified a little to fit my needs at the current moment. I'm not necessarily following it the way it was written, to a T, but it is definitely still working for me, and I think that's what I'm trying to get at. I will probably always follow the basic outline of 5th Set. It has helped shape me into the lifter I am today, along with great coaching, and I believe in it 100%. I obviously don't recommend deviating from the methodology like I have, but hey, it is what it is.
On to the good shit. Last week was extremely difficult for me, actually, the past few have been very difficult emotionally. I'm not going to air my dirty laundry, even in a vague way, but I will say I needed to get away for the weekend and be alone with my thoughts. I left work early on Friday, drove to Cincinnati, stayed in a hotel by myself, ate and drank by myself, drove and trained with my friend Laura Phelps, and then drove some more and ended up somewhere in West Virginia, staring off of a mountain at the river. This was all way out of my comfort zone, but I didn't seem to mind. Honestly, I figured out that I think I want to go away alone more often, but like, actually go away, be able to turn my phone off, and just collect myself and my thoughts.
I sat on the hillside in West Virginia and I just really thought about what makes me happy and what I wanted out of life. Before this moment, I had been attributing my happiness to other human beings, as if they were the sole purpose that I was happy. I've actually had people ask me what makes me happy, and I could never answer. So, I began to think, what in the hell makes me happy? It came down to 3 very simple things, and one of those was a shock to me.
1. Traveling. Seeing new places and experiencing new things makes me extremely happy. I want to go everywhere that I possibly can. I can't even describe the happiness I feel sitting at a lake, or standing on the top of a giant hill looking over the countryside. Things like that, I want more things like that.
2. Sharing my knowledge with others and helping people, genuinely helping people. The feeling I get when someone tells me I have positively impacted their life in some way...you really can't beat that. Social work is the most rewarding and challenging job I can imagine. What I really want is to move toward learning more about lifting, so that I can share more of my knowledge with the powerlifting community. I'm still not sure what that's going to look like, but the idea of it is there.
3. Lifting and reaching my goals. This was the difficult one, this is the one I didn't expect. I'm going to say probably 99.9% of you are reading this thinking, of course it makes you happy, why would you do it if it didn't? I can't even answer that. I'm a perfectionist at heart, and so, I think for the majority of my sports career, I've always just been trying to be the absolute best. But, not because I loved what I was doing or because it made me happy. I've always been sure not to let a sport consume me, I saw what it did to someone close to me, and I made sure to never let a sport define me. It's important to remember that, sports are sports, they are not who you are, they do not define you. The reality is that we only have the ability to do them for a short time, so what happens when that is gone? Who are you then? If you don't know, or you have been so entirely wrapped up in defining yourself as a lifter, I can imagine the day you can no longer do it, will be an extremely difficult pill to swallow. I think in a way, that has always kept me from falling in love with any sport I have ever done. Fear of getting so wrapped up and obsessed with it.
I'm not sure I have ever been passionate about any athletic activity in my entire life. Which honestly is disturbing, considering I have accomplished so much, even outside of lifting. Since I have ventured out on my own, away from the team and family I once surrounded myself with, I have really surprised myself. I have said before, "if it wasn't for a team showing up every day, I would never train." I always thought that would be true, until the day I lost them. I have been forced to look at who I really am in this sport, and what I want. I have also been very much okay with just being an athlete, and now that's changing too. I want to be the absolute best that I can be on and off the platform, and I want to share that with all of you. I want to learn more, and I want to be able to share more.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is the importance of recognizing what makes YOU happy. Not what makes other people happy, or what person makes you happy, or what object or THING, just you. What makes your soul happy? I think I am onto something great, and I just keep working on myself and taking each day as it comes. Every day that passes I become more confident in who I am as a woman, a lifter, friend, partner, etc. Confidence is what I currently lack, and I'm not afraid to say that or admit a weakness. Eventually the days of second guessing my talent, who I am as a person, what I stand for, etc will come to an end. What a special day that will be.
100% Bench - not a PR, but so close.
Bench: barx2x8, 95x3, 135x3, 155x3, 185x3, 205x3, 225x1, 240x1, 255x1, 265x1, 270x1, 275x1
Pause Press: 185x3x5
Side Raise: 10x10 & 15x10
Rear Raise 10x12 & 15x12