Extrinsic motivation is horseshit. It always comes within. The end all be all of action, is the desire within yourself to do and to not settle for anything less than what you deserve.
However.
After this second bicep rupture, I have received the largest influx of positive messages and support I have ever witnessed. People asking if I need them to drive to me to help, surgeon suggestions, personal anecdotes, advice navigating the hellscape that is the Ohio Bureau of Worker's Compensation, and simply an overwhelming amount of kind words.
I know within me that I am not done. My fire has not gone out. But every single one of you sending me these messages and SHOWING UP has poured kerosene on an already raging conflagration, I can't thank any of you enough for that.
Along with this, my retribution for the IDEA, not the individuals who doubt, but the idea that an insignificant injury or surgery will prevent me from coming back to my full strength and beyond it is is laughable. My retribution is my continued existence.
My ER doc looked at me after I finished talking about powerlifting to the cute nurses that were asking me about it, and said "well I'm sorry to say, but you USED to powerlift. You know it's only downhill after 25".
MOTHERFUCKER WHAT?
I laughed in his face.
If anyone thinks that this is my cue to exit stage left, and go quietly into the night of coaching and exhibition meets and go quietly into that dark night. You have not been paying attention as to the who fuck I am.
I am HONORED. I am EXCITED. And I am PRIVILEGED to be able to continue, and I will not stop for my own sake, and for the sake of anyone who has supported me in the last few days.
That is my retribution in the face of the world.