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“It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny.”
― Anthony Robbins

To say that the last few months have been difficult would be an understatement.

 Training has been infrequent at best. In many ways I feel like I have hit rock bottom emotionally, and it truly has been a challenge to step up and make my way out of the hole I fell into. But if there is one thing I have learned throughout my life, it is that we cannot control what happens to us. We can only decide how we will react, and what we will do to cope with our circumstances. We have to decide what it is we want, and what it is we need, and then we have to find a way to get there. Sometimes that means making hard choices and losing some parts of yourself in order to gain new ones. When we allow ourselves to change, we allow ourselves to grow. I cannot fear change. I need to embrace it. And I need to remember that I am not what has happened to me. I am indeed more than my circumstances. I deserve to be free from guilt, hurt, resentment, and fear. It is my duty to those I love to take care of myself. Which, from now on, is precisely what I intend to do.

With that being said, here’s to healing and improving. This week I plan to get back into the gym 100%, get back on my regular programming, and kick anxiety/depression to the curb. It is going to be a long and slow process, but that’s a necessary part of the journey. I am learning to let go and realize when things are out of my control. I am also learning that it is okay to have these bumps in the road, so long as I do not allow them to drag me down and keep me there. 

I have started comparing my life to my experiences on the mat. In Jiu Jitsu, you can either allow yourself to panic and get submissed in the process, or you can remain calm to help aid you in making the move that will free you from the hold of your opponent. When you panic, it is much easier to get yourself into holds that are even harder, or impossible to remove yourself from. Likewise, when we have similar reactions to things life throws our way, we find ourselves falling even deeper into unfortunate situations that become even more complicated to remove ourselves from.

We can either make decisions based on fear, or we can make decisions based on opportunity and rationality. Both choices get you somewhere. But where you end up is at your discretion.

I am, and have always been, a fighter. One more battle isn’t going to break me. 

Thank you all for your support and understanding during this uneasy chapter in my life. Like always, I'm going to get through it, and it always gets better.