I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about this meet at all. The truth is, anything less than my best will just never be okay with me. I'm a perfectionist, naturally, so anything other than that tends to be chaos, and it messes with me mentally. I've gotten better at learning to accept things that I cannot control, and even some things that I can control. Maybe what I really need to do is just stop trying to control everything, and let things happen. That's the hard part.
Today I was on my way into work and I just remember thinking, this is the time. I can either make all of the excuses as to why this can't be the best meet of my life, or I can do everything in my power to embrace the things I cannot control and show up and do what I need to do, trusting the 5th Set process that I have done for every single meet over the past 3 years. I choose option 2. Wouldn't you?
At one point after I moved into my apartment my weight was down to 177. I can't even front...I had resorted back to the eating disorder tendencies, and I was pretty much not eating. So, then I spent about 2-3 weeks trying to bounce back from that and get my body into some kind of normal eating schedule...which I also failed at. I maintained for a while 180-183, until last friday when I hit 184. I decided that trying to implement some kind of strict eating plan at this point is just not going to work for me. I'm sure it would work if I was willing to follow it, but I'm just not. Instead, I'm primarily focused on hitting my macros and staying accountable. I have an awesome support system and people I have surrounded myself with that can help me reach my goals, so this will be exciting. I decided to start off with 2,000 calories and see where that puts me. I knew I was consuming WAY more than that, and it seems as though I have picked a good starting number. I'm down 2 lbs this week, which puts me on track as of week....1! lol. Ah, food. The on-going strugglle. Did I ever mention I'm super awesome at self sabotaging? Hey, we are all a work in progress, right?
OH, life changes, since I really don't seem to care about sharing all of my life things with everyone. I have decided to leave my apartment, for about a thousand reasons. I will just leave it at, it's justified, and my landlord is letting me out of my lease, which I am taking as a sign from the universe to get out before things get terrible. Maybe this place just wasn't for me. I'm very much in this giant transitional stage in my life, where I have no idea what the heck to do next. I have my eye on something through a friend, and if no other major changes happen I think I will take them up on the opportunity. Even though I'm not happy about the sudden change, I really feel like this is the best thing that could've happened right now. I am free to do whatever I want and go wherever I want. If I want to get up and leave one day and go on an adventure and start life somewhere new, I want to be able to do that. Maybe I sound totally insane. Whatever. I'm just trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be, and what I should be doing with my life. It's all a giant question mark, and it can be whatever I want it to be, thats the best part. Here's to being 23, being free and able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, and figuring out me. Just remember, the only person you ever have to answer to is you (unless you're like being a shitty human or breaking the law). You know you best, and you don't owe anyone anything. Do what you feel is right, do what makes you happy. Enjoy the rollercoaster ride that is life.
Last night was an awesome bench night. Things felt a little bit off for whatever reason, but I still killed it. My teammate is a freakin life saver and rolled my back out with this giant 140lb roller....it's a game changer. I can't express how grateful I am that Casey and his crew at Umberger Performance have taken me in and welcomed me to the group...I mean mostly I think they just like to make fun of me because I don't know all of the things yet. BUT i'm learning new things...like every day! I'm happy to be surrounded by people who I can learn and grow with as a lifter.
Bench: 215x4x3 1x9
Pause Press: 175x3x5 w/ 5 sec pauses
Side Raise: 10x10 & 15x10
Rear raise: 10x12 & 15x12