I'm not sure I will ever understand the concept of going on vacation and still training. It's good for some people, like my bestie Nicole, she went to the gym a few times while we were in Dubai, but me? Not so much. I just had no desire to. I wanted to sleep, I wanted to think, I wanted to just have me time.
I really really like that I have gotten to a place where I appreciate my strength for what it is in this moment, not for where I hope to be or where I have been in the past, just for what it is right now. To be in such a place where I'm not worried to go a week without training, and I don't get extreme anxiety over it. It's very freeing to not be chained to a gym. However, I fully recognize the athlete within, which keeps me hungry for more...it's just that I've been able to push that out during a time where powerlifting is not practical for me.
I really cannot stress how emotionally healthy I am in this moment. It's crazy to me to be able to look back on phases or periods of time within this past year when I was completely helpless/hopeless and literally begging for God to help me. To have finally gained control over my life and the choices I make, to be sure of myself and what I want, and unwilling to fall back to the past even when it comes knocking on my door; to be so focused on my own happiness and growth brings me such joy.
This trip was amazing for me and gave me just what I needed at the right time...an escape. An escape from home, escape from heartache, just somewhere that I could be in the moment with my bestfriend enjoying life. I really mean it when I say I return whole.