5 Things Better Than Asking For Injury Help on IG

I saw a post on Instagram the other day that went something like this:

“I was doing curls and felt a big pop near my elbow. Now I can’t hold anything in my hand and it hurts really bad… not interested in seeing a doctor. What should I do?”

No, I’m not exaggerating, and yes, the dude was serious. So, I figured this would be a good opportunity to give our poor torn-bicep man some alternative solutions to seeing a doc:

5 Things Better Than Asking For Injury Help on IG

  1. Essential oils. Rub some lavender and shit on there and call it good.
  2. Magnets.
  3. At-home detoxing. Because if you can’t use your hand and you refuse to see a doctor, you’re on some good shit.
  4. Crystals. I hear they go well with essential oils. (While researching this article, I found that you can actually buy a crystal egg to go inside your vagina from a site called “Goop,” and that these are apparently very popular.)
  5. Animal sacrifices. When all else fails, ask Satan for help.

Obviously, none of those things will do fuckall to help heal a torn bicep tendon – but they’re probably less likely to cause you harm than asking random people on the Internet for help diagnosing a potentially serious injury. And if you ask a well-educated doctor or physical therapist, they’ll still probably be very hesitant to help diagnose a potentially serious injury without any hands-on interaction.

In all seriousness, I simply can’t fathom the idea of hurting yourself so badly that a part of your body simply doesn’t work, and then refusing to see a doctor for help. Please, please, please don’t be that guy (or girl). SEE A DOCTOR.


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