I am so sick of reading articles with these stupid titles. Ya, I see them the same as you guys do. Sometimes I even get sucked in and then I read the stupid shit and think...

I don't HAVE to do any of these things if I don't want to.

So, I'm creating my own list of 5 things you Must do when you go to the gym.  This is my real life - no bullshit list of things you MUST do.

NUMBER ONE

GO - yep, if you're  going to go to the gym then you actually need to get there. THIS is very important and certainly a must do.

NUMBER TWO

Open The Door - Now I suppose you can just stand there with your bag in hand and wait for someone to leave.  Perhaps your gym has a garage door and you can just walk in, or it's a home gym. OK - screw it!  This one doesn't work so I'm changing it now. You MUST walk through a door.  This is a MUST do.

NUMBER THREE

Know where the pisser is - Say whatever you want. If there is one thing you need to know if you plan on training anywhere it is where the bathroom is.

There are several reasons for this.

First, you may have to go #1 or #2. Now if your gym is like mine this means using the tire or having to open the office.  There is NO way you are going to hold a piss through an entire squat or deadlift session (although I have seen many piss themselves while deadlifting - they get extra badass points for this). I have also known many to shit themselves when squatting (no extra points for this because it's gross).  These are accidents so they don't really count. However I have known people to shit in a blender and poor in down the sink. The can was not working and he had to come up with an alternative plan. The only way something like this can be avoided is by checking the place out first.

BTW - the blender thing is a real story of one guy I know. It was not in the gym but in his apartment because the water was turned off. All his money was going to his training and this is how he lived for some time.  Think about that when you bitch about  having to make that hardcore sacrifice of using 1/2 the dose of your pre-workout pump powder.

Second, it is the best escape plan you have. If you get tied up with the "close talker with bad breath" and he will not shut up about what he did over the weekend nothing stops a conversation faster than saying "Dude I need to drop the kids off at the pool".

NUMBER FOUR

Don't smell like shit. There are very few "stupid" things I see in the gym that really make me mad. For the most part, few things any of us see really makes anyone in the gym upset. They are there to train, act like they train or to try and get laid. If you smell like shit it pisses me off because if you are training by or near me it's very hard to escape. There is NOTHING about smelling like shit that anyone likes so stop it.

Look, if you don't know if you smell like shit or not, how about this? Just assume you do and address it. Your in a freakin' gym not a one week nature hike in 90 degree weather. Wash you pits, ass and crotch before you go to the gym.

NUMBER FIVE

I suppose since you are there you may as well train or do something. I am hard pressed to say this is a MUST because I'm not sure many people don't even know what that means bet we all need to have some spotters around from time to time. Especially if we decided to try a 640 board press.