Ignore all the warning signs. Wake up aching every morning? Pop some ibuprofen and put on your Chucks. Feel a little twinge in your bicep on that deadlift warmup? Only pussies use straps, bro. Take more ibuprofen, suck it up and keep pulling.
Constantly overreach and overtrain. There’s no such thing as a workout that’s too hard — just minds that are too weak. Do whatever it takes to PR every session. Save nothing for meet day. Take more preworkout, throw more weight on the bar, and keep pushing.
Take more drugs. ‘Nuff said.
Ask random gym bros for a spot. You’re not going to let yourself miss anyway, so why worry about who’s going to save your ass if something goes wrong? Hell, why even have a spot in the first place?
Train at random gyms with random equipment. See point number 4. You only need safety pins if you’re going to miss.
Don’t take any time off for rehab. Unless you’re going under the knife that day, you can always work around it, whatever it is. If in doubt, add some painkillers to your NSAID stack. They’re still less expensive than a doctor anyway.
While you’re at it, skip your prehab, too. It just wastes energy that you could spend training. Plus, you look stupid rolling around on a lacrosse ball.
Remember: no guts, no glory. The more mind-bogglingly stupid your plan seems, the more likes you’ll get when you post about it on Instagram. #YOLO, motherf*cker.
