Where have I gone? No updates. No Training Log (after complaining that I don't have a place to put one anymore). No coaching materials. No motivational write up. No funny stories about bench shirts and holiday weight gain bloats. Honestly, really, nothing to speak about from me for a long time now. I'm going to explain WHY but I want you to know that me talking about the WHY isn't a cry for help or a complain fest but IT IS an opportunity for you to read this and to understand "I've felt the same way! I can do this too!".
First and with as much honesty as possible, I've been depressed, for a while.
I've been injured now for a few years. Nothing that I've done, no crazy lifting attempts or lack of warm up or recovery, just crazy stuff. Heck, a few weeks ago I pulled my bicep really freaking good while changing weights on the log press for my training partner AFTER I'd just set a Lifetime PR! I've had a Pulmonary Embolism that has had a crazy amount of lingering side effects like me not being able to feel my toes, not being able to move them, and most of my calf muscles are just flat out gone because of it. If my calf muscles continue to disappear, what do you think that does to my ability to walk, much less do Strongman Events?
Last month a good friend of mine passed away and it hit me harder than I thought that it would. A couple weeks ago I lost my grandmother and an uncle in under 12 hours. Little stuff that you think you are OK with hits you at odd moments and you realize that you aren't.
I did not qualify for World's Strongest Man Masters FOR THE THIRD YEAR IN A ROW. Both 2019 and 2020 hit me hard. In 2019 when I found out that I did not make the cut it was during the same time period that a medication that I'd taken for nearly 15 years was "out of stock" in the entire country and it had horrible withdrawal symptoms for a few months. But I fought and I made it through and only a couple of people on The Planet knew that I was going through that at the time. Before I attempted to qualify this year my wife sat me down, noticing how excited I was just talking about qualifying in 2021, and told me that I needed to decide if I was actually going to qualify or not because even though she would stick it out with me if I did not, she wasn't for sure if I could mentally take not qualifying yet another year. Then I still did not qualify. I can say that the only thing that kept me together this year was that my training partner never mentioned a word to me about it (he made every training session with me for months) and I knew that I honestly gave it everything that I had, both in preparation and in attempts.
I think that covers how I have felt mentally. So have I just been sitting around the house doing nothing? Absolutely not! I don't think I've missed but a training session or two all of 2021 to be honest and I must have been VERY sick to have done so. In fact I've trained more in 2021 than I have in a long time in my career. In early 2020 when COVID restrictions hit really hard (my family did not leave our property for over 100 days in a row) I looked through social media and noticed that most people were online complaining about their jobs, their careers, their situation and I did not want to be like them. What did I do? I decided that I was going to work more than I ever had at my job and I was going to provide a better service than ever. Since early 2020 I've spent a huge amount of my time updating my business so that every client gets a better service than ever and for the same price point that I've been at for years. While I've gotten complaints that I have not been active on YouTube very much for the last year I can say that I add on average three videos per day for clients. Every day.
I decided that I would be an even better husband and father. I have a 13 year old that will be 14 very soon and he requires all of the needs that a normal 13 year old should be getting. Dad is tired a lot and he still needs a nap on the couch more often than not, but he cooks, drives, and tells funny jokes like nobody else! There is also a decent chance that he may be joining us at The House of Biceps in the very near future. Not only is my son jacked and very smart but he can solve a Rubik's cube in under 30 seconds in competition (PR Comp time is 26 seconds and some change...so far).
My youngest son, as you probably know, is about to be 6 and is Autistic. Every day with him is an opportunity to either get ahead or fall behind and I can tell you that every day with him has been the biggest challenge of my life. Not only do he and I argue nonstop but his heart gets totally broken when he thinks that he has let me down. He is nonverbal but it would blow your mind at the things he does every once in a while.
My bride is my pride! I'm really just lucky that I'm pretty funny and our children love me, it may be the only reason left to stay with me, haaa.
Honestly, once I've finished my day of children, family, training, and work it is often 4 in the morning. A lot of my clients and friends know this to be true because I will message them as I'm on my way to get into the bed! And to top all of that off it is Kentucky Basketball season! The last 6 games have been from 2 to 4 AM my time and I can't miss a game!
But everything that I've typed out so far is just an excuse. The truth is that if I WANTED to make a post, I would have found a way. I love helping others and making a difference but I've been so discouraged looking through the normal streams of media that I'm not even sure if anyone CAN make The World better. At least I'm not sure if anyone would listen to me or what I could say to really make a difference. Everyone is arguing and nobody seems to be open to listening and learning and that is not to say that I'm right! About six months ago someone sent me the question to my website email address asking
"What have you learned from having a close training crew the last few years?" That is easy! I've learned to say things like "Maybe. It is possible. I can see that. Explain it to me and let's try it."
None of those things would have EVER come out of my mouth till my most recent training partners and once they are gone they may never come out of my mouth again. Relationships are hard! Training partnerships are hard! If you expect you and your training partners to connect and it not end in comical disaster then everyone has to invest into each other. Invest time, pay attention. Going faster often gets you "there" slower. Don't let your focus blind you! Never convince yourself that you can get more done alone than with allies, so take the time and really make some. Keep them. Make them better. Help them learn how to make you better!
My training partner suggested that I try and change how I reach people since I'm known for being VERY long winded in what I publish, maybe the 1 minute message is the way to get my message out better. I'm really not for sure if that is me or my style and in general someone that will not read a text that is several pages long or listen to a video longer than 15 seconds is not really someone who is looking to have their life improved. Think about it, if you were in dire need of a business plan or a marriage counseling plan you would NOT be interested in the 1 minute fast fix, you would want some serious detail BECAUSE IT MATTERS! But then again, this isn't about making me feel better it is about making a difference.
So there are most of my cards laid out on the table and I'm sure that many of you read through it and felt that you can relate. Whatever you are doing and whatever path you are driving on, remember not to ever hesitate to find a decent holding pattern to gain traction with and make sure you aren't still just stuck in first gear. Sometimes you just need to exhale then shift into second.