T.S. Elliot said "The journey, not the destination matters..." Well, T.S. and I have clearly been on different journeys. I have learned a lot on mine, but I certainly want it to be over. It's been seven and a half years long and I have shed a total of 111 pounds.

I really never knew where this odyssey would be taking me. I just knew in the interest of self preservation and if I wanted to start feeling human again, I needed to take some weight off. Fortunately, I have done both. Unfortunately, you'd think I'd be truly happy with what I have accomplished.

Sadly, I have created a bunch of psychological and body issues along the way. It seems like the more weight I lose, the further away my goal seems to get. I never feel like I look good enough. There's also the lasting reminders of the sins from my past. Those being stretch marks and some loose skin. I must say I am luckier than most with my amount of weight loss. However, even though they are hardly noticeable, they are still noticeable to me. Pretty fu(k*d up to think I'm focusing on my flaws after coming all this way.

The irony of this all is, when I was 328.5 lbs, I never really cared how I looked. I was comfortable just existing. Meanwhile, if you had shown me a picture of what I look like now, I would have been psyched beyond all belief. It just doesn't make sense. What am I chasing now, perfection?

Here's the good part. Posting this blog causes me a great deal of reflection. I start conceiving my topic well in advance. So for the past week or so I have been thinking about this one. Through that process, I realize it is time to take a break and be happy with myself. I need to celebrate the accomplishment. Not with food by the way. My fellow over eaters will get that. We think every accomplishment needs to be rewarded with food.

I'm just going to settle in and make sure to keep my body weight under 220 for now. It's going to be nice to simply hang out and exist. I can make myself better at this weight and feel good. I don't need to chase anything further for the time being.

So for all of you on similar journeys, realize, you may never really get to your destination. Your destination might be unattainable. Be that as it may, you still need to stop and applaud your accomplishments. Feel good about yourself. See all the good you have done. Most importantly, feeling better is even better than looking better.