This is a hard one for me to write, but I need to get it out somewhere, and since I know I can count on the Elitefts community for support, this is where I’m doing it.

This article isn’t quite my usual, so please bear with me, and if it’s dragging you down, just skip it. We’ll be back to our regularly-scheduled programming soon.

I’m currently 3 weeks out from the US Open, and I’m struggling. Badly. As badly as I ever have before.

When I started competitive powerlifting, my goal was an all-time world record. After I set that at Reebok Record Breakers in 2017, I decided to give my body a break for a while and start bodybuilding, but that only lasted a short while before I competed at the US Open in April of 2018. See, I’m a powerlifter: strength is who I am. And who I always will be.

The US Open was not my best meet ever (not surprising, given my abbreviated prep) but it did rekindle my flame for powerlifting competitions, and I set an even bolder goal: the first 2000 pound total at 181 pounds, raw. Since I’ve done 2039 at 198, with weight class room to spare, I know I can accomplish this — but it’s proven more difficult than I could ever imagine.

Since I began training for the Tribute last year, I’ve been plagued by injury after injury, setback after setback. Now, three weeks out of the 2019 Open, I’ve developed tendonitis in my right knee so bad that I can’t walk or climb stairs, let alone squat or deadlift.

The pain is nothing. Fuck, I enjoy the pain. It drives me to succeed, it tells me I’m pushing my body to my limits. But the anguish of not being able to perform the way I need to to reach my goals is monumental. It’s destroying my mental health, my relationships, and above all else, my happiness.

And yet… I am a powerlifter. This is all I want in life; it’s my soul’s purpose, and it is why I live.

So I will persevere.

What that looks like, I don’t know. I still hope to be able to recover and compete at the Open; I’m looking into cortisone injections, but I realize that’s a long shot. That’s okay. If the Open doesn’t happen, there will be more meets, more goals, and I will stay strong.

But no matter what — even if I decide to pursue my pro card in bodybuilding instead of the 2000 total — I will always be a powerlifter. I will always Think Strong and Train Hard. But right now, I could use your support.

Thanks for reading.

Ben