I guess this could be considered click bait, but it's how I have been feeling the last couple of weeks. I have hated training which is so not like me. The gym is usually one of the places I'm happiest.

So what's going on? That's what I have been trying to figure out. The best I can come up with is this...I have spent the better part of three decades training for, and testing my strength. I was in a constant cycle of training for a meet, competing, and then starting all over again. I reached the pinnacle of my own strength and experienced a lot of success.

Now that I am not really competing, I thought I needed a goal. So I decided to embark on training for another "NOV" (mock) meet. With this, I have come to the sad conclusion that my strength levels are in the toilet. This is from a combination of factors including my weight loss, age, and desire to commit everything it takes to be as strong as humanly possible. To push yourself to your fullest strength potential, you must take a lot of balance out of your training and even more out of your life.

The more I have been thinking about it, those past "NOV" meets had less to do with strength than they did with just getting together and training with Wendler and Rhodes. Unfortunately for this one I am not able to head out to Ohio, so it's just not feeling the same.

Adding to this awfulness, I have cut back on assistance and conditioning like you are supposed to when peaking for a meet, and I f'ing hate it. I have fallen in love with doing extra work. The nicest thing about not competing for me is that those parameters are off. I was having a blast training this summer. Now suddenly I'm miserable. At least, I think I have figured out why.

This is not to say I'll never do another "NOV" meet or even a traditional one, but I don't have to sacrifice enjoying training to do so. Now if I want, I can just train like I normally do and then take a light week and get after whatever event or challenge tickles my fancy. I hate that the fun has been taken out of lifting for my past few training cycles. I just spent the last three decades grinding, it's time to let that go.

I do think I'll need some goals or challenges, but not to the extent that they'll detract from the true meaning of my training, to feel good. With the best of my strength athletic years behind me, I think feeling good mentally means more to me than anything I can physically accomplish.

I'm really glad I sat down to write this. It's been very cathartic. Now I'll just have to read it to myself a few times a week to get it to sink in. I'm hoping this will help some other old meatheads going through the same thing. Plus it gives you younger lifters a perspective on something you might go through yourself down the road. Thanks for reading.