Lately I have been presented with a new opportunity, the chance to help an aspiring powerlifter. I've helped out a lot of lifters in my day but what makes this a first for me is that she is a full blown, card carrying VEGAN. I know, “yucky” right? So I have decided to get the full lowdown on the ins and outs of this alternative lifestyle in a new segmant I like to call, “Stevey P asks ignorant questions"


Steve: So what led you to this like of self sacrifice and eating the shittiest food I have ever seen?


Sally: First of all, my food has color. You're the one eating bland, pale, monochromatic crap. But what led me to it? I was a chubby, wheezing, drunk college girl on a dozen medications and wanted to be less pathetic so I changed up my eating, drinking and working out habits all in the same week.


Steve: You left out the word “whorish” between drunk and college girl. But back to the interview.


Sally: Ok, Uncle Perv. Go ahead....


Steve: How do you expect to possibly gain the kind of muscle and strength that it takes to compete against competitors that dine on the flesh and blood of god's creatures?


Sally: With extreme dedication and discipline, anything is possible. I can't just follow some random, uncreative bullshit diet off the Interwebs from any random bodybuilding blog but what fun is that anyways? I've worked with nutritionists and my own trial-and-error to find a way of eating that gives me tons strength, solid muscles and lightening speed recovery.


Steve: So are you some kind of fucking hippy that thinks you're saving cows one filet mignon at a time?


Sally: I shower most days, wash my hair most weeks and shave most months... so I'm not a real hippie. But yes, I do think I can make life a little better for the non-human animals that I share this earth with by not participating in their death. Plus the idea of putting a dead corpse in my mouth doesn't entice me.


Steve: But as Vincent Vega once said in Pulp Fiction . . . “bacon tastes good . . . pork chops taste good”


Sally: Vega? Like the vegan protein powder company? Cool story. Dicks taste good too but I don't see you putting any in your mouth.


Steve: Well ok, that wasn't quite what I was expecting. So I'm guessing since your food options are so incredibly limited that when a guy takes you on a date he can skip the dinner and just head right for the sex?


Sally: It's a known fact that vegans have better sex drives and better tasting semen. Google that shit. But no, I like to eat. A lot.


Steve: So remember that time we were scanning the globe looking for a power belt that wasn't made of something that had parents and that had died honorably for our gains? That was fun.


Sally: Yeah, that scavenger hunt was tons of fun. We did finally find one but maybe you could talk to Dave Tate about EliteFTS selling one? If you're really as tight with Dave as you claim you should have no problem making that happen for the vegan powerlifters of the world.


Steve: Well he and I are pretty tight, almost like brothers. We will probably be vacationing together this spring so I'll bring it up. Seriously, you must dream at night about eating mountains of steak and making sick gains.


Sally: I dream about lifting crazy heavy weights when I do dream, but for the most part I sleep soundly with a clear conscious.


Steve: So c'mon, in all seriousness, how far do you really think you can go in powerlifting by eating bean curds and mashed yeast?


Sally: I'm assuming that you must think I have potential to go pretty far since you are willing to spend so much of your precious free time on me and my workouts. So clearly you believe in me. How far do you think I can go?


Steve: Actually I just like watching you in your little workout tights, but you do have potential too. But I'm telling you now, the first time your strength levels take any kind of dip I'm force feeding you a cheesesteak!


Sally: Why thank you. Being vegan helps me stay lean as I gain. But I'm willing to take on that agreement since I am confident that with you as my mentor I can only succeed.


Steve: Ok, I see by the clock on the wall that you have to eat again, you must have to eat often when you are trying to somehow suck protein out of a bale of hemp. You're Welcome!