Dieting doesn’t put me in a bad mood, but it does tend to bring the slightly-annoying things a little closer to the more annoying side. I sit here in the gym waiting for my training partner to arrive and I can’t help but be annoyed at what has come of this generation in the gym. Sound old? I'm old. You don’t like some of the things that old people do? Get your own column and you can opine. Until then, I'm bored, so I’m going to give you a few of my top grievances.
At what point did someone decide to wear basketball shorts over tights? Why not save a lot of money and hassle putting them on and just wear really long, stupid looking socks? Did someone see the 80s version of this (without shorts) and decide that they were too shy and someone might see their junk? I still wear tights when I train legs, but I wear a longer shirt so that my Rice Krispies aren’t showing — I get it. I just would think that wearing a longer shirt wouldn’t look as ridiculous as wearing shorts over tights. The reality is that no one with big legs wants to wear basketball shorts. Basketball shorts in the gym are only for guys with small legs. So, don’t make it about my balls, make it about your small legs. Let’s at least be honest with ourselves.
Apparently, if you carry a gallon jug in the gym these days you are a loser. I don’t make these rules; these are the rules established by this next generation. Instead, you need to have an expensive Nalgene bottle that you have to refill 22 times to stay hydrated. Well, you have to refill it that many times if you train your ass off and considering that rarely happens anymore and you don’t dehydrate terribly quickly while sitting on a machine, not sweating and scrolling on your phone between every single set, it does make sense. Just know that gallon jugs are practical and convenient because they carry a large amount of fluid that keeps you from having to even make ONE trip to the water fountain. And they are cheap — typically under two bucks already filled with water. The alternative is appealing when you have to stand in line at the water fountain and take three minutes to fill up a one-liter bottle.
One thing I will give proper credit for to this generation is the ability to match outfits. Good for you for being color-coordinated. You might think I am being cheeky (just a subtle injection of British dialect to make myself appear more worldly than I am), but I appreciate matching clothes. Most of my peers like to look like slobs in the gym and then claim, “I don’t give a SHIT what I look like and everyone else can kiss my ASS. I’m there to TRAIN."
Blah, blah, blah. You’re a bodybuilder; you absolutely care what other people think, and so do I. I want to look good and I want to wear nice clothes. I run a business that is related to this industry and working out, and I want to represent it as being successful — not represent myself by looking like a slob. I appreciate it even more if you match your shoes or even your hat with your outfit. Huge props.
Back to hatin’ on your generation, though.
Why do you people insist on making up stupid exercises or pretending that your training needs to be “functional?" You aren’t an athlete other than softball on the weekends or “ballin” with your boys as an excuse to drink beer afterward. When did working out go from wanting to be buffed to wanting to look like a skinny guy with arms and abs? Was it the Twilight movies? I wanted to look like Rambo or Rocky, and today it seems the look is more for Jason Bourne. WTF?
Training note to your generation: doing explosive box jumps won’t make your legs big, so I guess they will still fit in your skinny jeans. Doing a cable thingy exercise where you look like you are swinging a golf club is not going to make you huge. And doing that stupid rope thingy where you make the rope wave up and down is not going to give you bolder (or boulder, if you prefer) shoulders.
Hoarding every dumbbell from the 10s to the 30s in your little “skinny-guy-circuit-area” is not going to do anything for you other than piss off the few people that come to the gym to get work done. You will know who they are because they will be the ones that walk over to you and your stockpile of dumbbells and, without saying a word, pick up what they need and take it. What will you say? Nothing, until you get home on Facebook and post that you told that steroid-gobbling meathead what the deal was.
And then I have to answer ridiculous questions about what supplements you should take to “get bigger,” when you look normal. How about asking what supplements you should take to look like everyone else? Nothing. The answer is nothing. Save your money. Buy more jeans that are the same size as your girlfriend’s.
Sitting here looking around the gym, I have come to the conclusion that I only like people who are just like me. I aIso hate kids; I’m not even sure I like my own all that much. I feel like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. Just Sayin’.
As always the internet ruins everything.
You, on the other hand, are being VERY opinionated and critical. Look up irony
right after you look up satire. :)
Have a nice day =)
Thank you.
I am not sure what you mean by me thinking 30 minutes on the treadmill is "hardcore". Rope thingies are hardcore.
You have proved this.
Oh, you did NOT just call me an "old man". Now you're just being mean - really mean.
I have no idea what "fuck crossfit" even means but ... ok.
Jon, work on making your responses a bit more witty. At least when someone takes a shot at me I can typically find
something funny in it. Yours? Not so much.
Most definitely. :)
This is so stressful...
I am a softy, though. xoxo
Don't like what I said ....kiss my ass ....I have been doing this longer then some of you little shits have been alive. I'm same way Ken....I just don't like people that aren't like me in the gym....list gets longer every year.
Drop the mic
I love your use of spelling with U's! makes my canadian heart swell!
I will say however that those gallon jugs are not easily found in some parts of the world, i.e Canada...where we have milk in bags.
There is more than one type of "fit," and bodybuilders don't have a monopoly on it.
And don't make fun of "panties", you wear tights when you ride so we're all in the same boat here. Nice try.
Leaving weights, balls, dumb bells etc.. all over the place! God forbid you put your toys away!
I don't care if things talk on your cell phone, don't make a piece of equipment your lounge chair, get off the equipment and stand in a corner and talk!
Leave the F bombs at home
Damn these millennial keyboards...
I would not mock those participating in functional training, as these individuals will be the ones re-training you to drink your whey-protein and creatine shakes after your rotator cuff surgery.
Best of luck with your clearly-thriving exercise-authorship career.
Kyle
Seriously, if you laughed at the satire, you should have stopped there because then you would have enjoyed the article for what it was. Instead, you had to attempt to read into it and start "wondering" if I lack social awareness. Sometimes, it's just better to read something and take it at face value, otherwise, the spin you end up putting on it might end up nothing of what the author intended.
Lighten up a little; don't be so easily offended.
Then if I had any second thoughts, they would have been obliterated when I realized that they were so offended they took the time to write a comment about how offended they were.
And its all so stupid that now im fucking commenting on how people commented that they were offended (someone edit "fucking" out before i ruin the Pussy guys day again with derogatory language).
Im going to go back to ignoring the comments section,