My Talk with God

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In the second part of Dr. T-Rex's series on his talks with God and Satan was printed. After reading them, I thought I had better start getting right with the Lord so that I too could know the mind of the almighty.

After finishing the article, I got down on my knees and did some serious praying. Now, most times when I pray, I don’t actually get an audible answer from the Lord. However, this time, God the Almighty spoke to me as clearly as my wife does when she screams at me to put the toilet seat down. I had some serious issues to discuss and needed to get a clear answer to some of T-Rex’s points. So here are the highlights of my talk with God.

BM: Lord, are you there?

God: I am here.

BM: Lord, I don’t want to waste your time so I will get right to my point. Dr. T-Rex wrote an article in which he said he spoke to you and you spoke back to him.

God: Ha, ha. Poor T-Rex. That guy’s ego is so immense that he can’t tell the difference between his own voice in his head and mine. I actually did hear his prayer but thought his points were so idiotic that I never even bothered to answer him. You see, T-Rex is suffering from “small man’s syndrome.” He is a little man in a big man’s world so he tends to exaggerate his own worth in order to compensate for his shortcomings. I hear him when he prays, but how many times can I hear him say, “Lord, thank you for making me so wonderful.”

BM: But Lord, he said that you thought taking steroids was cheating, and he said that you were very upset at the state of athletics in this country. In fact, he really seemed to know what you think on many subjects.

God: Ha, ha. Poor little T-Rex. First of all, T-Rex is so small that by the time his prayer reaches me, it is three days after he prayed. Most times, if I answer him, he has no idea what prayer I’m answering because of his stature and it taking so long for the question to reach me. However, let me address his statement. Steroids would be cheating if there was a set standard of rules saying that they were not allowed to be used. However, if there isn’t a written rule against taking them, they couldn’t possibly fall into the category of cheating. You would think an idiot could figure that out.

BM: T-Rex kept emphasizing that they were illegal.

God: Steroids were made illegal by guys like Senator Joe Biden, a known plagiarist, and Congressman Patrick Kennedy, a guy who has been in rehabilitation three times. That would seem like the fox guarding the hen house to me. Gangsters making laws for everybody but themselves to follow. Besides, does that mean taking steroids are ok if you live in the Dominican Republic or Turkey where they are legal? T-Rex’s mind is clouded because he regrets that he never did steroids. He feels as though he has been cheated out of reaching his potential and then exceeding his potential.

BM: Ok, Lord, but T-Rex said that you were unhappy about the cheating in college athletics. He said that you didn’t like that the players were being paid and weren’t college students but rather professional players.

God: Well, would I be more upset at players getting paid or universities stealing players’ identities and putting their names on the back of school jerseys so that the school can make millions off of their sales while the players can’t get enough money for a pizza after a game? The players make the school millions and what do they get in return? A college education? Doesn’t seem like a fair trade off to me. The college athlete can’t even get a ride to the airport from a coach if his parent gets sick and he has to fly home. As usual, T-Rex is wrong. It’s the universities that are robbing these kids blind and using them up and throwing them away when their eligibility ends.

BM: Lord, in other articles, T-Rex said that wearing illegal multi-ply gear is cheating. Is that true?

God: Holy me, has congress started to make laws banning certain gear?

BM: No, not yet. I think he meant illegal in the powerlifting sense.

God: If it’s not against the rules, how can it be cheating? Again, T-Rex is showing how upset he is that he never got a chance to wear multi-ply gear. His jealousy is obvious. T-Rex was a guy who used anything in his power to lift big weights. He used meditation and video breakdowns. He hired artists to do frame by frame pictures of his lifts. You mean to tell me that he wouldn’t have worn multi-ply gear if he had a chance? Nonsense.

BM: T-Rex also said that steroid use was cheating because not everyone had access to them. Even if they were legal, if everyone didn’t have access to them, it would still be cheating.

God: Really? How many guys had access to video like T-Rex did? How many guys could afford artists to break down his form? How many have the time to experiment with meditation and the use of color? T-Rex used everything in his power to improve. Others could never have afforded the time or money that he did. Does he consider that cheating? No, of course not. T-Rex, you see, has one rule for himself and other rules for everyone else. If he took steroids, you can bet he’d say, “Steroids are ok.” He has no standards and cares only for himself.

BM: So, what are you saying, Lord? Should I not get upset at T-Rex’s articles?

God: Ignore them. Like I said, T-Rex is a little man in a big man’s world. He’s a guy whose ego is so out of control that he thinks he’s great at everything. Remember when he said he “was an awesome basketball player?” What school did he play at? You never heard of it? Neither has anyone else. If he was awesome, he would have played Division I, but he didn’t. Remember when he bragged about his bodybuilding? How many guys in his class that day? This is a man who needs to prop himself up because he has to look up at the world everyday. Pray for him, but don’t let him bother you. He’s no more important than something stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

BM: But lots of guys think T-Rex is a genius.

God: Lots of people think Chris Benoit killed his family and himself because of “roid rage.” People believe anything that they read in print. T-Rex is a guy with an opinion, no smarter or more right than anyone else. However, people see that he’s published and they all think he must be right. Remember, the media has conned people into thinking Barry Bonds hits home runs at record pace because of steroids. People are lemmings being led around by the nose by the media.

BM: Thanks, Lord. Do you think you could give me the winning lottery numbers?

God: The last thing you need is to be rich. If you were rich, you’d be dead in a month the way that you live. Hey, remember this. This is a big man’s world and the little man gets squashed by the big man. So keep pumping and keep growing and remember—on judgment day, all that will matter is how much you lifted and how you looked.

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