First off, we need to get this straight. Little Debbie is NOT Hostess. There are two things wrong with this. First off Little Debbie’s are known as snack slummin or pure ghetto snacks. That’s just not cool. Also, anything that has the name “little” attached to it can’t be good for the yoke.

Intermission: I was reading a “magazine” the other day, and they mentioned something about building a “yoke.” Damn it! This pisses me off. The whole “yoke” thing started because a bunch of pinheads decided to take “jacked” and make it mainstream. “Jacked” used to mean something. Now it’s been reduced to a tiny vein in your bicep and an 18-inch waist.
Fine! They can have the “jacked” and use it all they want.

”Yoked” started to rebel against the whole “jacked” thing that was going downhill. Now, I’m seeing “yoked” heading in the same direction. Maybe the pinheads should actually try being the name before they use it. No worries. The underground will come up with another term. Maybe we can try “cocked,” “stiffed,” or just plain “hard on.”

So I dedicate this post to all of the pinheads who ran “jacked” out. You know they need help gaining weight, and I’m 100% sure that they didn’t know there was a huge difference between the Debbie’s (I can’t even write the “L” word anymore) and Hostess.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and do something unheard of. I’m going to GIVE a weekly program for FREE. I feel I have to in order to save the term yoked. You see, if I help the tiny necks get bigger, maybe they’ll keep the term sacred. I apologize to all of you who already know all of this. It’s rehashing old stuff over and over, but it needs to be written again.

Here’s the weekly schedule for those looking for yoke:


Twinkie day: This is the best for starting the week off. Most of us have started with these golden delights. Hell, they have been around since the 1930s. You have to respect that the most famous blow job man in history stuck one in a time capsule. If you have the time, a quick deep fry job will add a few hundred calories to these making it a better choice for the yoke. The only problem with Twinkies is that everyone else is doing it so it can’t work that well. I’ve read that there are 500 million sold each year. I know there aren’t that many yoked people out there. However, it’s still a great choice for starting the week off. As the week progresses so will loading and intensity.

Recommended loading: two boxes per day


Mini* muffin day: This one is the next step up. While they haven’t been around long, they’re a great pre-breakfast snack. There’s nothing better then kicking back with a box of these and a large 64 ounce coffee as you drive to the Waffle House for breakfast. Granted, the name “mini” isn’t a good thing at all. This is why you have to ram these down one box at a time. There’s no way around this one. It has to be done that way or you’ll stay unyoked for a very long time.

Recommended loading: one box on the way to breakfast

*Because of the name “mini,” this has to be done on a non-training day. It might be a good idea to avoid sex on this day as well.


Ding Dong day: This is hump day so you have to go with Ding Dongs. It has been suggested to...

Nibble them slowly, like a king or queen, and savor the creamy goodness of every morsel, or bite right into that creamy center and get a mouthful of chocolate goodness.”
This is bull crap. You gotta pound these down! Anymore than two bites per dong and you are losing ground. You know what I mean. Screw royalty. This is about getting yoked.

Recommended loading: This is a high day so three boxes are in the cards—one box after breakfast, one after lunch, and one before bed.


Fruit pie day: Because Wednesday is a pretty harsh loading day, we need to fast some on this day and keep it clean. Fruit pies will do the trick. There’s nothing better then fruit to help cleanse the system. The trick on this day is to use the 2 X 2 rule. This means two pies every two hours. To keep your system guessing (and growing), you want to shock it with different flavors each time. Here’s a sample day (your normal meals aren’t included but you’ll still eat them):

Two pies each feeding
8:00 a.m.: apple
10:00 a.m.: cherry
12:00 p.m.: pineapple
2:00 p.m.: lemon
4:00 p.m.: blackberry
6:00 p.m.: strawberry
8:00 p.m.: french apple
10:00 p.m.: apple
12:00 p.m.: cherry
2:00 a.m.: strawberry
4:00 a.m.: pineapple
6:00 a.m.: cherry

Yes, you’ll need to wake up in the night and eat. But nobody ever said that getting yoked would be easy. Sometimes you just need to man up and do what you gotta do.


Suzy Q’s: This is date night so the choice is simple...Suzy Q’s. If you turn it side ways, okay…I shouldn’t go there. But you can practice your ABCs and zig zag technique if you like. Can you believe the pervert who invented these did so over 40 years ago? You gotta give him credit for having the balls to call it a Suzy Q. This alone makes it the best choice for Friday nights. Think what you want, but when training for the YOKE, most Friday nights will be spent home alone because for most, the next day is squat day. Your loading will largely depend on your refractory period. The best protocol to use involves little foreplay. Just get in and out as fast as you can. No kissing, licking, or sweet talk. Open the box and just start cramming them in. There’s no need to wait for your hunger to harden up. The longer you wait the less chance you’ll have of making it to the end.

Recommended loading: This is usually the night before a heavy training session so a huge bloat is necessary. This loading is totally dependent on how much you can handle. Just keep loading until you feel like you will pop. You will and then use one rest pause set. Rest for 36.4 minutes and try to kick back 50 percent of the first set.


HoHo’s: This isn’t about Santa, but he is a hell of a squatter. The best choice for Saturdays is the HoHo. The reason is because to your CNS will be shot from the heavy training session making it very hard to eat. The tubular shape makes these very easy to eat even when you feel like you were beaten with a sledge hammer.

Recommended loading: Eat four boxes. Try one on your way to the gym for that last pick me up and one right after training to take advantage of that post-workout HoHo window. To make things easy, it would be a good idea to have the last two boxes in the freezer ready to go before hand. There’s nothing better than watching the game with a couple dozen frozen HoHo’s.


Donettes: Now, these are the best of the best. They are so small that they really don’t even count. It has been suggested to keep an open box next to the couch, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, and on the back of the toilet. A good rule of thumb would be to place a box wherever you’ll visit more than twice through the day.

Tip: In case you were wondering, they will float and are just as good wet as dry. Just make sure if you do drop one in the can, it isn’t after number two. If this is the case, make sure to grab the one with the hole in the center.
Recommended loading: Use the instinctive training principle on this one. This is a day of rest.

There you go—the seven day plan to getting yoked. My training...

Dumbbell curls:
55 X 12...8...6
55 X 12...8...6
55 X 12...8...6

Barbell extension with monster mini bands:
135 X 12...8...5
135 X 12...8...5
135 X 8...5....5

Cable curls s/s with close bar presses: three sets to failure each movement

Machine curls s/s double press downs: three sets to failure
Light abs
Bike: 45 Minutes

I know I had a major cheat meal yesterday, but I still can’t get Hostess off of my mind.