Men's Physique — Bottom of the Pecking Order?

TAGS: men's physique, competition, Skip Hill, bodybuilding, fat loss, diet, muscle, strength

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Men’s Physique: the ultimate measure of how much of a pussy you are. At least this is true as far as most bodybuilders and powerlifters are concerned. Hell, many powerlifters don’t look upon bodybuilders as being terribly manly, what with their lack of body hair, super sexy “underwear” and competitions while dancing around to music showing off their muscles. I don’t understand it because that clearly sounds manly to me but apparently not to everyone.

If bodybuilders are below powerlifters, someone has to be below bodybuilders because we all need someone to pick on. I mean, fair is fair. Men’s Physique, you win.

Here are four misconceptions that bodybuilders have about Men’s Physique guys:

1. Men’s Physique guys train like pussies: I'm not sure where this comes from other than the fact that Men’s Physique guys are usually smaller or less muscular than bodybuilders. However, if you look closely and compare the two, the guts are one of the main things that are obviously smaller. Bodybuilders are turtle shelled, usually with a waist as wide as their shoulders while men’s physique guys have a small, tapered waist with well-shaped obliques, intercostals and serratus.


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Men’s Physique guys at the national level usually have more muscle than the average bodybuilder who doesn’t compete or who competes at the lower levels. Does this mean that higher level men’s physique guys train harder than lower level bodybuilders? I think not. If that were true, there would be a lot of pros who work their asses off and some current pros would never have made it past the state level based on their work ethic, or lack thereof.

2. Men’s Physique guys don’t train their legs: I know of very few good men’s physique competitors who don’t train legs. Just because the long shorts cover the legs doesn't mean that they don’t need to be trained. That's stupid. Yes, their legs don’t need to be as big because in men’s physique, they have what is called “proportion.” You know, that thing that is clearly lacking in bodybuilding, a sport where the main plan is to get as huge as humanly possible with no regard for midsection, size of legs or size of arms. If you can see someone’s poor leg development in a pair of jeans, you can certainly see it in a pair of shorts. The goal is more of a pleasing shape as opposed to sheer size. Cue meathead crybabies in three, two...

3. “Being a bodybuilder, I could just lose a little weight, go into a men’s physique contest, destroy them all and get a pro card, but I don’t want to": Not so fast, Liger. I get that your ego has you thoroughly convinced of your superiority, but the reality is you couldn’t destroy the field because you're ugly as shit. Take a good look at most bodybuilders and you'll see why it's such a good idea that we are judged from the neck down. In Men’s Physique, the hair and face matter and are judged. Usually, the loudest bodybuilders who spout off about how they could destroy a men’s physique contest are ugly as hell. They may have the legs for physique, but they rarely have the face.

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My best advice is to humble yourself. You aren’t even an above average bodybuilder to begin with because good bodybuilders rarely contemplate switching to men’s physique. It's the shitty ones who feel they might do well if they switched over.

4. Men’s Physique guys look like girls: If this is true, there are a lot of bisexual women out there because I can guarantee you that nine out of 10 women polled (not poled—quit laughing immaturely) would rather bang a Men’s Physique guy than a bodybuilder. Now, before you jump through the screen trying to grab me by my throat and yell about how much of a pussy I am, here is your truth. If your girl was honest, she would tell you that a men’s physique guy is way hotter than your turtle-shelled gut because you're constantly farting and breathing heavy like sex is somehow HIIT cardio (yeah, I’m full of puns today). Your face is beet red because you have no tan, your blood pressure is through the roof and you're 40 or more pounds over what she would find appealing.


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You may not like it—I'm not sure I like it—but your girl and my wife would rather bang a good looking Men’s Physique guy. Hell, if I wasn’t straight, I would damn sure bang one over a bodybuilder. Hypothetically, of course.

If I'm being completely honest and I was just starting to work out in the last five or so years versus starting 30 years ago when there was only bodybuilding, I would almost certainly go the route of men’s physique. I would rather look like a top Men’s Physique guy than a top bodybuilder any day. Not only would I be in shape all the time and have a sexy small waist, but I would hunt down all the wives and girlfriends of the guys who leave shitty comments after my articles and bang them all, texting pictures to their husbands and boyfriends afterward. Careful what you post—I might be taking notes. Just sayin’.

Photo courtesy of Jeffrey Sygo at www.symiphotography.com

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