I sometimes hear parents talk about how they don’t have the time to get involved in their children’s activities because of work. Frankly, I don’t buy it. I’ve been a military officer for 28 years now (I'm age 50) and I've spent a good deal of the past ten years away from home in countries in the Middle East and Central Asia that most Americans can’t find on a map. I still spend a substantial part of my off-time working with my 12-year-old son to help him achieve his athletic goals.

I’m writing today on my return flight to Kabul, Afghanistan, from the States, completing the last leg of a two-and-a-half week, 20,000-mile trip to coach my son Evan in powerlifting and taekwondo at the AAU Junior Olympic Games in New Orleans and the bi-annual State Games of America in San Diego.

Military members deployed to the warzone for a year get a single two-week, mid-assignment leave period, and many use their time to decompress. But that wouldn’t fit with our family mantra of “all in.” Instead, I planned to use my one-time leave period to attend back-to-back national sports festivals with my wife and son.

Evan is an intense competitor who started training with weights when he was ten years old. He had been involved in various sports since he was five or six—soccer, basketball, baseball, springboard diving, and taekwondo—but it was only after losing badly in sparring at a state-level taekwondo tournament that he asked if we could start training together. Before we started, we talked about the commitment required for a regular strength and conditioning program, and he insisted he was ready.

We began running together twice a week and used dumbbells, assisted pull-ups, sit-ups, sled pulls, and box jumps three days a week. A month later, we incorporated the bench press and light squats into his training once a week, and his strength increased quickly.

Evan Pittman squat training

Evan did some type of conditioning or taekwondo training every day for one hundred straight days that spring and, in June, went all the way to the national taekwondo sparring finals as a red belt, losing only in sudden death overtime. A month later, at the 10,000-athlete AAU Junior Olympic Games, he won gold medals in taekwondo sparring and the bench press competition, setting a single-lift record in his first meet.

We committed that year to attend the Junior Olympic Games each summer if possible to enable Evan to compete against the top youth athletes in America. While getting there each year requires time and resources, our agreement with Evan is that if he trains at one hundred percent, we’ll find a way.

I attribute much of Evan’s sports success over the past two years to his commitment to strength and conditioning training. This is a boy who loves to train. While he continues to set records in every powerlifting meet he enters, powerlifting remains just another conditioning tool in his quest to be a better athlete.

My military career requires periodic overseas deployments and trips, sometimes on short notice, and I haven’t always been there to oversee his training. My wife Rebecca has been a godsend. While managing his training isn't necessarily in her comfort zone, she has stayed on top of things, particularly during my current 12 month long deployment. When I received the call late in 2010 to deploy to Afghanistan, we decided we needed a performance coach to help Evan keep his athletic edge.

What does it take to find the right coach in anything for a 12-year-old who is competing at the national level? We looked for:

  • Attitude/fit
  • Training philosophy/desire for client success
  • Proximity of facility/scheduling/coach availability

It was also a matter of understanding limitations. With Rebecca assuming the added responsibility of Evan’s strength and conditioning training—something I would normally oversee—we needed a solution to fit with her busy schedule and the family finances. We elected to have Evan train with Chandler Marchman at his Elite Strength and Conditioning gym in Tampa, Florida, and work the power lifts once a week at MacDill Air Force Base gym with Todd Shane, a former WWE wrestler and family friend who had previously coached him while I was deployed.

My own biggest challenge was removing myself from the equation while deployed and allowing Rebecca to manage his sports activities while running her own business and handling other “mom” efforts like balancing church activities, violin lessons, summer camp, and visiting family. She was diligent about providing me with e-mail updates, and I tried not to be too directive about Evan’s schedule. There is a joke among military officers about the 7000-mile screwdriver—micromanagement from higher headquarters while conducting operations overseas. I tried to avoid being that 8000-mile screwdriver from Afghanistan regarding Evan’s sports. Rebecca committed to do the best she could to keep him on track while essentially serving as single mom and entrepreneur. In turn, I would make every effort to be home in time to coach him for his national sports competitions in the summer. However, she didn’t view it as a fair exchange!

As planned, I arrived in the U.S. seven days before our trip was to commence. It was busy between catching up on life with my bride of 18 years, my dad visiting from out-of-state, Evan’s training, and finding my own workout time. Rebecca was great. We scheduled a week of activities before our trip and then there was the trip itself—Tampa to New Orleans to San Diego and back. Evan would lift in the Junior Olympic Games full power meet and push-pull (raw and equipped), compete in full power raw as a guest lifter at the USA Powerlifting State Games, and compete in taekwondo in both locations. Whew! Easier said than done!

The key to training one’s own child is to know your athlete, and this is an evolving process as the child grows into an adolescent. Evan gets irritable when he isn't training. He is physically stronger when he takes a day or two off from all sports training. However, he is sharpest in sparring after taekwondo training three to four days in a row. Because our goal was for him to peak simultaneously in both powerlifting and taekwondo, his summer training consisted of speed-strength training once a week using explosive movements, the power lifts once a week in a single session, and taekwondo four days a week. Rebecca coached him over the weekends on his diving because he would start varsity swim-dive team practice at Tampa Prep the week after our trip. She also ensured he ate a balanced diet to fuel his training and recovery.

A day after I arrived home, Evan badly bruised his left foot while sparring, and we had to modify his final training week to a couple of rest days, physical therapy on his calf and foot, one powerlifting workout of four work sets at 80 percent max on each lift (done Tuesday before the Sunday meet), and some light taekwondo kicking drills. Finally we were off to New Orleans. First order of business—weigh-ins for powerlifting and taekwondo and then lunch!

Evan’s first event was the Junior Olympic Games powerlifting meet where youth could set AAU national and world records. This meet has been run for several years by Steve and Judy Wood of Virginia, and they had some of the top AAU judges in place, including Martin Drake and Dave Mansfield, to ensure the kids lifted safely and had a good time. There were lifters as young as six and seven years old at this year’s meet, and many youth records were broken. There were also multiple sibling competitors and powerlifting families in the crowd, a testament to the universal appeal of the sport. While chatting with AAU powerlifting chairman Steve Wood, he reiterated AAU powerlifting’s commitment to youth and teen lifters as the future of the sport and added a salient observation: “Most of these kids will never compete in the sport they are competing in at these Junior Olympics beyond high school, but powerlifting is a sport they can do into old age.”

Evan was strong during warm ups, and I felt confident it was going to be a good day for him on the platform. His technique had improved in the six months I had been gone, particularly his speed in moving heavy weight. In the deadlift, Rebecca had had Todd work with him in switching from conventional to sumo style, which favored his strong hips and legs. He was worried about not getting deep enough on squats, but he was perfect, going three for three and finishing with an 85-kg (187-lb) squat on his third attempt at 94- lbs body weight. He also blasted through his benches, breaking the AAU single lift record on his second attempt. He opened with a record deadlift and broke the single lift record on his second pull. His third pull at 107.5 kg (237 lbs) flew off the floor to lockout, completing a record setting day. A father-coach of a 10-year-old lifter turned to me with a smile after watching him pull and asked, “Why don’t you put some weight on the bar?” Nine for nine. All white lights.

The "Big E" prepares to deadlift

Fatigue and the possibility of overtraining are things I try to manage with Evan. How taxing is it for a 12 year old to break multiple records in a six-hour powerlifting meet, do 45 minutes of kicking drills afterward to stay loose, and spar multiple full-contact matches the next day? In the previous two Junior Olympic Games, fight day was two days after the powerlifting meet, meaning more time for recovery, and I didn’t know how the heavy lifting the day prior to sparring would impact Evan’s performance. While it was a good day on the platform, he could have easily gone heavier on each final lift or taken a fourth attempt. Instead, we chose to leave something in the tank for fight day.

Evan Pittman bench pressing while dad looks on anxiously

 

I’ve been coaching my son in taekwondo sparring for more than two years now. I completed the certification courses because we like to travel out of town to compete when the schedule and budget allow but his regular teacher’s schedule doesn't. Each time I sit in the coach’s chair, it is an emotional rollercoaster. We say a prayer beforehand together, not for victory but to compete safely. And we learn something at every tournament.

We spent a little bit longer that morning getting Evan warmed up for his fights because he was feeling tight in the glutes and hamstrings. We stretched, he worked up a light sweat, and it was time.

In the fight at the 2011 AAU Junior Olympic Games

Evan fought well but had to settle for silver in black belt sparring when he ran into a tough opponent in the finals. It didn’t help that he had a high-tempo semi-final match with only a two-minute break before finals. It was a hard loss for him because I had coached him in more than 20 straight wins, including the previous two Junior Olympic Games. He accepted it gracefully, but I could tell it shook his confidence. We dissected the tournament afterward to determine what mistakes were made and tried to put it behind us.

Evan was emotionally tired after the Junior Olympics. In hindsight, it wasn’t the best idea to compete in back to back sports festivals on consecutive weekends. After all, he’s a 12 year old, not a professional athlete. (Forehead smack. Duh!)

We spent a couple of days in San Diego with Rebecca prior to the State Games of America where he was a guest lifter at the USA powerlifting meet (still nine for nine). He participated as one of five torch runners in the opening ceremonies at Qualcomm Stadium and earned a pair of silver medals in taekwondo, but it was clearly difficult for him to stay in competition mindset.

Lessons learned for Coach Dad:

  • Psychological preparation is key to Evan’s sports participation. He needs to believe he has trained harder than everyone else to maintain a competitive mindset.
  • Ring time is both a physical and psychological element to Evan’s fight conditioning. While multiple rounds of paddle sparring and punch mitts may lead to a physically well-conditioned athlete, nothing can bolster confidence like sparring against an opponent (see first bullet).
  • Trying to peak for back to back competitions a week apart doesn’t work. Evan needs emotional down time after major competition as a part of recovery, and that is something I as a coach and parent must program in the future. As Oprah might say, a talented kid can have it all, but he can’t necessarily have it all right now.

We arrived back in Tampa Sunday night. It had been a busy but educational two weeks. Evan wasn’t happy with his taekwondo performances, but I try to teach him that everybody loses. The key to improvement is persistence. We still enjoyed our time together as father and son, coach and athlete, and we enjoyed having Mom with us. At the end of the day, capturing some quality family time during my military R&R was what really mattered.

No two parents are involved in the same way with their children’s sports activities. Some are casual observers and others coach. Some just drop their kids off and pick them up when the game is done. I believe youth sports have a purpose—to teach discipline, focus, and goal setting—and I’d rather take an active role in teaching those things to my son (at least when we are on the same continent).

A day after we arrived home in Florida, Evan returned to his training regime and also began practice for the upcoming springboard diving season. It was on to the next sport and on to seventh grade. I kissed Rebecca and Evan and reluctantly boarded the plane to return to Afghanistan to complete my military deployment.