“I'm a woman who talks through actions, not words. So I usually don’t talk much, if that makes sense.” — Yessica Martinez
If you go looking for hard times, they aren't hard to find. There is an infinite well of reasons, excuses, and wishes as to why life doesn't work out your way. It’s a very easy thing to talk about. Misery loves company, as the adage goes. But people will also readily create more misfortune in their minds than actually exists in real life.
Sometimes we truly are unlucky. Bad things do happen to good people, but so much of what happens, most of what happens in our lives, is within our control. It's easy to talk about what went wrong. It's easy to talk about how you wish things were. But talking doesn’t accomplish much. Talking, ironically, speaks little as to how it directs your life. Your actions though (and lack thereof) speak volumes.
You Are Who You Live As
Everyone and everything falls short in some regard somewhere. No one man or woman can be all things, nor any job, business or investment. If everything was perfect, what would there be left to do?
Growth is defined by the process of becoming, but people defeat themselves by focusing only on the comparisons, the unfairness and the misfortune. Circumstances are circumstances. Perfect situations are created, not found. And as far as people are concerned, there is always someone stronger than you, faster than you, more experienced than you and more educated than you.
Hell, just say that someone has better “genetics” and you can use that to explain away why he or she is more successful than you. You can make 'woe is me' comparisons for days. Nothing comes out of them though. Someone always has you beat somewhere, but so fucking what? What about what you have?
Everyone has something—qualities, values, abilities, talents, grit, experiences. There are all kinds of people in the world. We all have something, many things. And furthermore, you aren't stopped from learning. Learning is a personal choice. You aren't stopped from desire, from wanting something. Goals arise from desire. You aren't stopped from effort. You decide how much you put forth. Weighing yourself against who you aren't...that can go on forever.
It's strangely ironic. People are “too much” of the things that limit them and “not enough” of the things that empower them. It's only the latter that you can build and act on. The former is you getting in your own way. Life is finite. Time is better spent on who and what you're capable of being. And hopefully this is the same as the person you believe yourself to be. Setting a limit before you’ve ever tested it does no one any favors.
Live Your Words
There is a powerful way of “speaking” that is arguably the most powerful. It's over delivering on what you say you'll do. This isn't anything earth shattering. “Actions speak louder than words.” Everyone has heard this, but few people live it. Undelivered promises.
And You Made Promises
To yourself, as much as to others. Our promises are the agreements that we make with ourselves. We do this all the time whether we acknowledge it or not.
So if you only ever believe in and settle for “good enough” with yourself, would you expect anyone to ever over deliver for you? What for? Why give you something so beyond what you’ve shown you're willing to live for?
It's nice to want things, but life ends up becoming what we internally agree to. People want excellence, maybe not for themselves at times but often from others. They want special treatment. They want to feel special. They want good things to happen for them. And who doesn’t? There isn't anything wrong with this. But how are you living yourself? What did you settle with?
There is another saying: “You get what you give.” I don’t necessarily agree with this. You do get what you give, but I find that it begs the question, "What do you think you're giving, and what exactly is the other person receiving?"
If you agree to compromise and accept mediocrity within yourself, would that not affect what you give to others? How could it not? You don’t get what you give. You get what the other person receives and then gives back. If that’s always an “OK but not great” quality of work, would you expect to be paid more? If it's “a decent enough job,” would you expect major opportunities to appear? If it's a “yeah, I guess I know you care about me” kind of love, do you think that the relationship will last?
Romantic or otherwise, no one gets excited for mediocrity.
You can break all the mirrors you want, but water will still show a reflection.
The hardest struggle that people will face is with themselves. Nothing so mighty externally can overcome someone who has poisoned his or her own mentality. When someone has given strength to everything that limits him, that’s almost impossible to break. A perpetual victim can be the hardest person to reach. It isn't a strong way of thinking.
Everyone gets weak at times, some more often than others. It might be a second in passing for some. It might be days and months for others. There are all kinds of people in the world, as I like to say.
Regardless, I will believe to the utmost that there is nothing so strong externally that can beat someone who has killed his own fear and doubt. Slowed down? Absolutely. But fearless people make an opportunity out of struggle. And they don’t stop.
Few things lessen such a person and most things they simply use to become more. That is something that is limitless—becoming more and not less. If less is forever, so is what someone can become in comparison. Such a person doesn’t necessarily talk much either. Her actions speak for her constantly all the time.
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