I turned 28 today. Now don't get me wrong- 27 was a good year- but a lot of it hurt.

[This would have been before my 27th birthday but the effects lasted long through 27 so we'll chalk it up to 27.]

My girlfriend of three years at the time was living with me and we went through a bad break up, and really it was all my fault. I made some selfish decisions, but not in spite of her. I've always been a person to deal with my own problems and think through things with little advice- and not because I think I know best but more so because I don't want to burden others. Well I learned you can't do everything by yourself, obviously a relationship falls under that umbrella. I loved her as a person.  We were best friends. But it wasn't meant to be. We were headed in different directions.

I won the 242 class at RUM8 to defend my title from RUM7 with a PR total of 2088.

I started dating a really wonderful girl that had nothing but the best intentions for me and our relationship. She's a good lifter and an even better person. When things started to get serious I shut down and internalized everything. More importantly I continued to let my past affect my present. "When thinking about life, remember this: no amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future." I've never been one to worry about the future, but I'll be damned if my past didn't haunt me all the way through 27. I couldn't let myself be happy with her because I never fixed what was broken in me from the past relationship. It's a sad and terrible thing in the moment, and there were days where it really got to me. But life goes on and...  "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."

I got all ramped up to compete in August at the Boardwalk Brawl and then again at the Arnold (coming up March 2016). I was going to take a shot at the 220 world record in August and then the 242 world record at the Arnold. I had some minor pec issues and a moderate hamstring tear hold me back. I took the advice of my mentors and didn't squat or deadlift for 6 weeks and did as much rehab as I could. Coming back from all of that I felt OK- better than expected. But when the training weights started to get heavy they felt REALLY HEAVY. Sometimes you just have to practice a little patience.

My grandmother turned 88. She cooked Thanksgiving dinner. She'll cook Christmas dinner. She drinks vodka. She rakes her leaves, cuts her grass, bowls, golfs, and who knows what else. She is a great role model for our family and I couldn't ask for a better grandmother.

My mom is losing her job- she's been with the same company for 35+ years and she's ready to retire- so I guess I should say she's being forced into retirement. She turned to me because of my Economics degree asking for advice on money and I love her but she is really frustrating to work with when she's stressed. She just shuts down. Long story short- my mom is going to be just fine and I got to relive some of my college courses in helping her plan. As with my grandmother, my mom (pronounced mum because that's how I roll) is my role model. She's legitimately one of the best people I know. Even when times were tough in our family I never went without anything- except socks and underwear because she refused to buy them unless it was for christmas. Really she is completely selfless and has wiped my ass since day one. But she's also kicked my ass when I needed it.

The industry I work in is tanking. I know people love gas under $2 but that's not sustainable. And the lack of drilling and production on our end means less money being spent through all the small towns across the US. And many people losing their jobs. We laid off 10,000 people this year. I'm good at what I do. I've made myself valuable. But really that could all go out the window in heartbeat at this point. I had 5 customers with 30+ drilling rigs. Come January 1 I will have 3 drilling rigs, total.

I took a big bite of humble pie going back to the platform in December. I was healthy, but not at my strongest. I set myself up for a very easy, laid back day. I treated it like a training day and took care of business. I stuck to plan for the most part- other than taking a third squat attempt which I hadn't planned on but needed the confidence booster.  So onto the XPC finals at the Arnold in 2016.

I realized I have a huge support system. From my teammates at EliteFTS-  Dave, Bob, Steve, Marshall, Yessie, Mike, Matt, Jo, Hamer and many others have helped me with everything from programming, to rehab, technique,  and business advice. And emotionally from my friends and family. I've learned how to open up and how to be in touch with my feelings. I was cold and distant for a long time. It's not manly- it just leaves you sad.

I've grown really close to one special lady. She's strong, beautiful, and independent. Her heart is as big as her smile. She'll be spending Christmas with me and my family this year and I know we're both excited as hell. I picture her reading this with a big smile on her face and texting me something stupid like a bunch of emojis- and I love that.

This was easily the most heartbreaking 12-14 months I've ever gone through. Now keep in mind ALL of this heartbreak was my fault. And I cried more times than I'd like to admit- at times I felt like I was drowning. But in reflection I feel a lot better about the results, about what I've learned. I don't like who I was at times and the decisions I made, but I'm getting over that guilt. I can't change who I was. But I can tell you I sit here today and I'm happy with who I am. And that's a strong statement- empowering to put it in EliteFTS's terms- I'M HAPPY WITH WHO I AM. I'll leave you with this...

A man once told Buddha- "I want happiness."

Buddha replied-

"First, remove 'I'; that is ego.

Then remove 'want'; that's desire.

And now all you're left with is HAPPINESS."

Thank you to everyone who reads my training log. I've had the pleasure of meeting a bunch of you guys in the last couple months and it really makes all of this worth it. I hope I can give you something a little more tangible in your lives besides sets and reps. Again, thank you for your support. It means the world to me.