This has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. In september we lost our Boxer Roggy. Our hearts were broken, our lives changed. We had no choice but to be strong for our remaining Boxer Lexi. We still had the distraction of loosing Roggy by caring for Lexi and trying to keep her from getting too depressed.  These two were inseparable.

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Fast forward 4 months to this week and it was Lexi's turn to cross the rainbow bridge.  This hurt so much I can't describe the pain I am in. My heart is broken, I can't sleep and all I can think about is did we do enough. Are they happy and together now, are they pain free. Our everyday routine has changed. Everything from waking up to going to bed and everything in between.

Yesterday was a full day we headed east to Ottawa and put on another Kettlebell Workshop at Brenda's Fitness.  The drive was beautiful, there was a gorgeous sunrise.

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The farther east we got, the more beautiful the scenery in Eastern Ontario.

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We arrived in Ottawa at Brenda's Fitness to be greated by a 3 hour old baby Goat. Meet Charlie's Angel. She melted our hearts, we have never seen a goat this young.

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Next the Kettlebell workshop was a huge success. Blog to follow about that.

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After the workshop we headed downtown to celebrate a good friends 50th Birthday. Happy Birthday Scott. We had a wonderful dinner with friends and fellow powerlifters then we hit the highway home with a 4 hour drive ahead of us.

Enter breakdown mode. Despite the wonderful day I had, pain hit me hard again. Whenever we were away or at work we would rush home to let our pups out. My first thought was I'm so tired from the day I can't wait to get home and see my Lexi.

I am still not accepting the fact she is gone. I'm not accepting the empty house. The silence is deafening and I'm torn apart inside.

The slurping of the excessive water drinking. The snoring, the greeting at the door, the clicking of the nails on the hardwood floor. The barking, the farting and the constant love of a pet owners best friend was gone.

I found my self in uncontrollable crying again. Wondering if we did the right thing. The pain slices like a knife. I can't sleep and my mind is all over the place. I don't know how long it will take or if I will ever get over loosing my two Boxers.

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My confession is simple. I'm not myself, I can't control my crying and my training and back rehab has been pretty much none existent. Grief is a terrible thing.

We booked a last minute trip and I pray that when we leave on Wed I can leave all this behind me and live in the moment.

I will soon share a blog "A Tribute To My Lexi" but for today I just wanted to explain my lack of presence lately.