I like all music but there's something about country that just hits my heartstrings. It's honest music, story telling music, and you can feel their heart and soul talking to you. I didn't really fall in love with Erich Church until Casey told me about his feud with Rascal Flatts. He toured with them and apparently he broke some rules- don't play too loud or don't play certain songs type of rules. So he did the complete opposite of just that.
"I’m not a guy that follows rules great and when some rules were put out there, I broke them. I probably played too long. I played louder than I was supposed to. I went to places on the stage I wasn’t supposed to go."
I respect people like that because they are being true to themselves. Unapologetically. It's inspiring.
Recently, we went to his concert, and hands down, one of the best concerts I've ever been to. I cried about three times. One song in particular he didn't perform, but the song "you make it look easy" is on his Carolina album (I have a point, I promise). On my previous log, I mentioned about being semi-open about recent issues Casey and I went through, and sometimes a song is the best way to describe a situation when we really don't have the words.
"I got a hard head, I get that from my dad
And I can overreact maybe just a tad
I put up walls to show the world I'm tough
When I don't get my way I get difficult."
Bob Youngs was very adamant for Casey and I to connect. It was to a point where we didn't even give it a thought because Bob wanted us to happen so bad (hate being told what to do kind of thing). Bob said something along the lines, "you two were meant for each other, but understand, you'll have to be tougher than him." I really didn't understand what he meant, then. I thought he's old so he must be crazy. Today, that's a different story, and I understand perfectly. Good call, Bob.
"Yeah, I'm hard to love and even harder to live with. And I know there's days when you just want to up and quit."
Casey's health really took an emotional toll on me. I don't mean to steal the spotlight, but I felt helpless. His health was declining and there was no stopping it. At least not right away. From having the best meet prep in his lifting career to being debilitated on the couch for 5 weeks was a hard transition to witness. And as I admitted to him the other day, there were days where I just couldn't look at him. Our relationship was strong and it was just another thing we had to get through together. Supporting him in any way and making sure he was taking the proper steps to getting his health back. Until one day, when you think things couldn't get worse, it did. A day that brought our relationship from 100 to 0. Despite our relationship being better than ever, his past and his demons caught up to us. It was a situation that tested not only us but myself as someone who was willing to give it all up. My reaction was as if I was blindsided, fell to the floor and just laid there wondering what the fuck just happened. Again, I felt helpless.
"I got a hard head, I was born that way. And that makes me wrong more than I say. But I thank God you got a hard head too. I guess he must have known you'd need that to get us through."
The only way I can really explain how I felt between giving it my all or giving it all up was this:
Our generation: instant gratification. easy.
Our grandparents: war. distance. hard times.
Dramatic but true. Two extremes. I thought to myself (after a couple of days) is something so stupid [on Casey's part] and so insignificant really going to determine our fate. I thought of Casey's gram- she was married to the love of her life, lived through the depression, then lost her husband in an unexpected tragedy. And, here, I have Casey alive and right in front of me and minus his health, everything else we encounter are first world problems. This is someone who I've grown so much with in just over a year. After Casey and I talked, he said "imagine us in 10 years when we look back at this." Throwing in the towel seemed like the easy decision and who likes that road?
I know this may not make total sense without the nitty-gritty details, but then again, some things should remain private. All I can really say is we're not perfect. We CHOOSE to be with each other everyday. We fight for each other. And I am one to never give up.
What I hope you learn from this [if you are in any type of relationship] is if you know the person for who they truly are, mistakes shouldn't define them. They shouldn't define you. No one is perfect.
So, this is for you babe. I believe in you. I believe in us.
Cheers to country, whiskey and you.
"Cause when it comes to lovin' me
Baby you make it look so easy
Yeah, baby you, make it look so easy"