I think somewhere deep down, I knew hat I was lying to myself when I said "after Graduation-- then I can relax". It as probably my way of coping with the stress at the moment-- I created a "light at the end of the tunnel" as a way to push through what seemed like an impossible set of circumstances. While it seemed to have served it's purpose at the time, it's a coping mechanism I'm actively trying to move away from... but that's a topic for another post (probably/hopefully to be published soon after this one).

What actually happened... there was no light at the end of the tunnel, just a long six week series of crazy, hectic, wonderful, annoying, exciting, and tedious events. The past six weeks have consisted of:

1) Party and Celebrate with my closest friends (from law school and outside of law school

2) Travel back home to Texas to spend time with my family and bring my partner down with me to meet the community that raised me (caught a virus and was sick for about ~4 of the 10 days I was home)

3) Fly back to Cambridge to actually "graduate" and participate in the production Harvard put on [I'm not big on ceremonies/pomp/large productions for things like this-- but you only graduate law school once, so I figured I'd go along with it]

4) Host my parents for their first time visiting me in Boston

5) Start prepping for the Bar Exam, and start working part time (administrative essentials for now) at the non-profit I'll be working at full time after the Bar Exam

5) A few days after my parents left, I got to host my siblings for their first time visiting me in Boston (trying to fit work, bar prep, training, and time with my siblings was truly one of my most impressive accomplishments to date)

Like I said, the past six weeks have been a rollercoaster of events with no normalcy or routine. Now, that's not to say that the past six weeks have been "bad" or "unpleasant" in any way-- I'm extremely grateful for everything I've gotten to experience and everyone I've gotten to experience it with. BUT, for someone with type A, neurotic, OCD, control freak like tendencies (no saying these are things I AM-- just characteristics I have frequently taken on) the lack of routine wore down on me.

I've been able to get back into a routine of sorts (which I greatly appreciate after six weeks of enough excitement to last me the whole summer) but that's not to say life is any less "stressful". This isn't meant to sound nihilistic, nor have I spiraled into a "woe is me" doomsday type of mentality-- quite the opposite.

I've experienced a major shift (or maybe re-shift? Re-awakening? I feel as though it's something I've always known and just seem to always forget. Like a favorite shirt that I sometimes forget I have, and then when I find it I remember just how amazing it is).

There's never a "light at the end of the tunnel"-- life will always be life (I've realized). Rather than trying to look at the greener grass ahead, I've started to embrace my life as is. Since doing so, I've been able to find joy in some of the least likely circumstances. I recently heard (or maybe read?) a quote: "feelings are not facts"-- which really resonated with me.

Life is not inherently hard, or stressful, or depressing. These are all feelings that we experience in reaction to our life circumstances-- but they are not facts. These feelings pass, if we let them run their course. This realization has been huge for me, and it's something I'm continuing to explore.