I'm writing out of frustration. I don't know how concerned anyone is except myself and my training partners about when I'm competing but here's my last 6 months or so in a brief glimpse...

Following a PR total at RUM9, I set out for some big goals in August and then the Arnold in March.

On the platform at RUM I was lighter in the 242 class than the top 3 finishers in the 220 class- and my total was just 20lbs under the WR that Dan had set that day. So I knew if I committed to a weight cut I could take down the 220 world record. My numbers were almost there, and with a good offseason and training cycle it wouldn't be a problem. The main challenge would have been the weight cut only because of my inexperience. I planned to cut water from 235 to get to 220, which is about half of what some of the crazier guys will typically do.

Training started well for the August meet- the Boardwalk Brawl. About six weeks out I pulled my hamstring while squatting. I talked with Dave and Steve, as I normally do, and decided it was best to cut training for about 6 weeks and get healthy. I hit every type of rehab I could think of, including PRP injections. I refocused for another meet to get ready for a run at the world record.

*Side note- going into RUM9 I pulled my adductor on the same side as this hamstring injury. Also it was exactly 6 weeks out. I'm still trying to figure out the significance of that but something is going on there.

So I basically restarted the training cycle with a December meet in my sights. I knew I would have to work my ass off to get back to the same strength level. Now that I'm five weeks out from the meet I feel like garbage. I almost missed 86% on squats the other night. And I hate to admit but I was truly scared of the weight. My mind was not where it needed to be for that training day. And then I pulled something in my bicep deadlifting over the weekend.  Bench actually feels good after working with Dave and Matt.

Now I have to be honest with myself. This can be difficult at any stage of your life and in any discipline. I'm not going to hit a PR total this meet. So what's the smart thing to do? Hit a qualifying total for the Arnold and shut it down. I need to hit 80-90% on my squat bench and dead to qualify, so that's what I'll do. It may be a day where I take 6 total attempts and thats it. BUT that's the smart thing to do.

The lesson in all this...

It never gets easier. The trials never end.

I said to Marshall- "The universe doesn't want me to compete this year." And he responded- "Or the universe is just testing."

Simple perspective shift makes the world of difference. Back to the drawing board.