Competing in back to back meets is something I always advise against. I never did it myself but it was something I learned through others when I first started lifting. Now, not only can I talk the talk but I can walk the walk. I'd still advise against it.
After a disappointing performance at the Unrivaled Meet I did 5 weeks ago, I made the decision then and there to create an immediate action plan. What can I do now to redeem myself in a smart way? It sounds impulsive, contradictory, and ego driven thinking about it. I called Dave.
After talking through my limitations and convincing him that I had the will to move forward, he followed with "if you want to do this I will support you as best as I can." I reached out to JM to work through my bench. I sent videos to Dave after each squat session. I probably had one deadlift session in me before the next meet. I visualized a better performance. I envisioned better execution.
Days before the meet, nerves started to creep in. This time, they weren't good. They were feelings of doubt and the fear of failing, again. What is the point? Visualize a better performance. Envision better execution. I kept trying to silence it.
Meet Day
It was a smaller meet and I hadn't seen geared lifters and westsiders since competing in Lexen and SPF meets years ago. I felt good. Distracted my thoughts in conversation. Things I developed and learned that worked for me to relax and stay present. Checked in where I stood in the flight and timed things accordingly.
This next part I wrote down in detail but decided to erase it all. It doesn't matter what went wrong in a meet. I can also rant about how pain dictated my performance. I hate to break it to you all, but it's just part of the damn sport. We're all hurting in some way.
I still left disappointed in myself for vast reasons but finished the meet and limbs were still intact.
Learnings
I am physically able, but if the mind does not believe what my body can do, the disconnect will over power my ability. The fear of failing and feeling like an amateur clouded the back of my mind. How I manage through challenges: I act like the person and athlete I should be, therefore, I deserve it. Absolutely not; because the emotions and challenges I felt before are still with me now. I thought I was able to handle the emotion from one meet to another and I was completely gassed out and overwhelmed. In order to overcome, you need to put in the WORK and out work the negative thoughts and second guesses.
Letting meet day define your work ethic is losing sight of what is actually important. Dave Kirschen reached out to me and complimented how good my bench looked. I replied, "I didn't have a good year." He replied, "yes you did, you just aren't looking at the right indicators. You don't still think the sport is really about numbers, do you?"
"Think about what drew you to strength sports in the first place. My guess is it wasn't an arbitrary number in single ply gear. It might not be apparent yet, and some of us don't figure it out until late (or at all). But once you know, take a look back on the year and then decide whether or not it helped bring you closer to what you were really looking for."
I replied, "ironically, it brought me closer to what I was dealing with personally in life."
I may feel defeated but that doesn't mean I am not more prepared for any circumstance.
It's easy to get better but better at what?
Self improvement is a challenging pursuit. Some people give up. Some just don't even try. So the questions I asked myself were, did I do this meet to challenge myself or did I want recover from embarrassment? Did I want to challenge my limits or ignore the challenges going on in my life? It was a little bit of everything. The next question was, who was I doing this for? 100% for myself.
More Learnings
What's the point of winning at sports but losing in the effort to be a good friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, coach, human being? I have many battles with my mind but I hope to never lose sight of getting better at stuff with being a better person. One has a bigger priority than the other.
Live. Learn. Pass on.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YmZ2fuHizQA]
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZNMFkWS0j4]
bench 5 weeks prior:
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rH233kNT32w]
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lBM0VJPZKT4]