It never fails, anytime I drop an article, or a training log expressing my opinion the dweebs come out the woodwork--or do they? Complaining and curious as to why I'm concerned about their weird choices of outfits and affection towards sumo deadlifts. "Why would an elite level lifter even care" then continue to call me plenty of derogatory names. They question my sexuality, call me insecure and always fat, boring. Doing what I do, but since their total sucks, it's ok. Also, my favorite tidbit about the dweebs is the anonymity they use. I'm not vegan and ain't ever shied away from beef, so if I got something to say, it'd always be attached to my name.

Other than the coward move of talking shit under a fake name, the thing that baffles me beyond belief is this. How does my position in the sport make me a role model? I didn't start competing to construct a blueprint of how to be a person to look up too. Unfortunately, a bunch of small backed tie-dyed sock wearing fancy donut eating sweet whiskey drinking dweebs feel I should carry myself differently. I mean depending on who you ask, I could be a role model. I speak my mind, I train my balls off, and I continue to build a total year in and year out-- I've even won some big meets.

Sure, I'm not a happy go lucky guy-- sending smiles and motivational post to people like some shitty politician close to election day. I'm not taking pictures; I'm not shaking hands, I use profanity and talk shit A LOT of shit. The flip side to that coin is I'm me; I can't change I can't be fake, I can't be what people expect me to be because my total is what it is. That sounds like the equivalent to bombing out in life. I'm no sell out.

I've been lucky enough to pick up some good sponsors, and even then its "brought to my attention" I should use that platform to "show newcomers" the way. Why? I love that people talk shit assuming all that they assume. I do plenty to give back, to help, I - unlike most, help to help, not to post and reap the benefits of "being a good guy." The way I'm wired if you help someone and post it or brag about it, you did it only to help yourself and not genuinely to help someone out.

I'm a dude who lifts weights and has been lucky enough to push the envelope and do some pretty cool shit under a bar. All I'm doing is "playing the fat mans ace card" as said by the homie, Burley Hawk. I don't give a shit about the growth of the sport. I don't give a shit about the idiotic pipe dream of powerlifting in the Olympics-- all I give a fuck about is adding pounds to that number attached to my last name.

I see my name on the all-time list, and it haunts me knowing one day that name could fall and fall and be removed. Leaving me a ghost, I don't want a legacy; I don't want to be remembered for how I carried myself-- I want someone in 20 30 years to look at that list and see Jp fucking Carroll. I hate goals, but I'd be a lair if I didn't say leaving the game-- forced or freely without a 1000 lb squat- a 600 lb bench- and an 800 lb pull in a meet doesn't fuck with my head.  

If I gave it my all, and that list has my last name with 2400 pounds next to it I could live with myself, all the shit, shit you have no idea about would all be worth it to me. I know I know, it sounds stupid, well pal that's where we differ, that's why I'm that elite level lifter you love to hate, cause I'm willing to lay it all on the line. Pushing envelopes like a fat pissed off Irish mailman, and IDGAF if you think I should be a role model, you'll hate me and watch the game on Sunday cheering on woman beaters, drug dealers, and thugs.

All in all talk yer shit, I'll talk mine. I'll always have the balls to use my real name; you won't-- well most, kudos to those who do. Just know one thing this shit fuels me, lame as it sounds I love getting counted out, I love reading the comments and trash talk. At the end of the day, I think about the same quote almost everytime "they don't have to like me, but I bet they like my number" Scott Mendelson. So next time you think I should be a role model, maybe you should know role models because I sure as shit ain't one.