Up at 6 am due to a busy and full schedule- we hit legs early this weekend, now I'm going complete crybaby on this excuse. It usually takes me an hour of moving around before standing even feels "normal" ok, with that out of the way my cranky old ass started with:

Hack squats (cluster set)

Two plates plus whatever the machine itself weighs, today we will call it 400 pounds. Hey, it's my lie I'll tell it how I want.

Staring a timer for 5 minutes, I'd take eight reps and rest in the lowered squat position for 15 seconds repeating until the 5 minutes expired.

These blew some exotic donkey dick, I bitched and cried the whole time grabbing my knee and yelling out why me like Nancy Kerrigan when Tanya Harding had one of her goons tee off on her knee at the Olympics.

Nevertheless, I finished, and the pump was serious (me saying pump doesn't feel right yet)

Leg Extensions (cluster set)

On a plate loaded machine, I had a plate and a quarter, and after the donkey show- I needed no warm up, fuck I needed a break.

Started a timer for 5 minutes and did 15 reps waited 15 seconds and repeated until the 5 minutes expired. That comes out to be about ten sets of 15 in 5 minutes, a lot of volume with hardly any rest time, these are a motherfucker if you push yourself.

Sissy Squat  (cluster set)

Standing in the assisted pull-up machine, I stood on my tippy toes and squeezed my quads while "squatting"  really focusing on stretching the quad, further pumping more blood in my already destroyed legs. I can squat a grand, but I'm getting wrecked by a dainty little flower of a woman. EF MY EL

Laying Ham Curls (cluster set)

Sadly this wasn't a spring carnival deep-fried treat of sorts, just some more old fashion leg killing from coach Sheena aka Da Coach aka giant killer aka ok ok that's enough. I don't want to get into pet names like poopoobun and all that, that would be embarrassing.

On the plate loaded machine, I had a plate and a dime. I started the 5-minute timer and did sets of 8's with 15 seconds rest between until the five minutes expired.

Calf Raises (you got it- cluster set)

Propped up on the GHR like a typical fat guy resting between sets, I was working. I had a 40-pound weird thing on my back while doing calf raises off the edge of the apparatus. I made sure stretch on the bottom and squeeze at the top, sets of 12's and finished out the 5-minute timer and was toasted.

 

Death By Lunges (worst fucking cluster of my fat life)

No seriously- this fucking sucked.

Now before you fuck-wads start laughing, train legs then finish with these before you say shit. If I'm that out of shape that you can do these easy breezy- we have to fight.

If you don't understand the whole cluster thing yet, sit down and figure it out, I'm not writing it anymore.

These were done with sets of 4 ( yeah fucking four, judge me)

One leg at a time- one leg out in front of the other I'd slowly lower my self into the lunge position, focusing on staying tight throughout the entire movement. Down and up was considered one rep. I shook as if I had never stood before, did the prior training have me smoked, sure- but unilaterally my legs are garbage. These are something I will work on for the next 8 or so weeks, and hopefully, have a decent amount of carryover when getting back under the bar.

Overall

R.I.P.

My pride

My legs

Someone on the southside is wearing a shirt with my legs on (you have to be hood to get that)

I got beaten to a pulp and outworked by a dainty lil flower of a woman EF MY EL