After a great day of coaching, we all headed back to the hotel to hang out and unwind. The night after these events tends to be a lot more where all our best stories come from. We usually exercise some semblance of responsibility the night before because everyone wants to be at their best and give the attendees the experience they paid for. Not to mention no one wants to spend 8 hours in a hot, loud gym nursing a hangover from the night before.
Since we are a fairly low-rent crowd, we set up in the lobby with our adult beverages and some of the best shitty pizzas Ohio had to offer.
Everyone was in a great mood, and looking forward to our new teammates’ “initiation” led by Bob Youngs, who was wearing our new custom series super-shorts, which made him look like the long lost 5th member of Color Me Badd.
Murph was also there.
For those that know C.J. Murphy personally, you know what the above statement implies.
For everyone else, here’s the best way I can explain it… Having grown up in New York City, and attended a state college, I thought I had seen my fair share of drunken belligerence, that is, until I met Murph, and realized I hadn’t seen shit.
Some men make their mark in the world by climbing mountains, or by setting world records. Rather than fritter away his efforts on trivial pursuits like these, Murph instead chooses to leave a legacy of alcohol-fueled debauchery.
Combine his choice of recreation with his almost unintelligible Boston accent, wild eyes and massive goatee, he’s kind of like a cross between Peter Griffin and Satan.
Murph on a typical Tuesday
The first hour in the lobby was laid back and uneventful. But was the night wore on, and Murph’s blood alcohol level rose, he gradually got louder and louder (and his normal tone isn’t exactly what you would call an “inside voice”). And although only a few of us noticed at the time, the stout, middle aged woman at the front desk was getting angrier and angrier with us (mostly Murph).
And as we all deep down knew it would, the situation eventually came to a head, as he bellowed the immortal words:
I”'ll wear ya ass like a fuckin hat an drive ya legs around like handlebaaz!
He presumably said this to one of the ladies, but you never know.
At that point, the front desk clerk stepped out from behind the front desk, and confidently marched right into the middle of the group, and completely lost her shit.
“THIS IS A HOTEL!!! THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP!!! YOU NEED TO STOP THIS NOW!!!
Taking the subtle hint, we decided to move on to the hotel parking lot for the initiation, while the now livid clerk patrolled the halls with a taser holstered.
Bob Youngs, now looking extra ridiculous, wearing Murph’s newbie cap backwards, in addition to his shants, led the ceremony.
Since it was a large group consisting of Ken and Sheri Whethem, Yessica Martinez, Meana Franco, Mickey Beleineh, and Christine Beauchamp (Alycia Israel wisely faked a headache to get out of it), the girls (and Ken) elected to perform as a group ensemble, treating us to a striking rendition of “Summer Loving”.
Now that I think about it, the initiation is really just for log-keeping athletes. Since Ken is technically a columnist, he really didn’t have to do it. Sorry big guy! I have to hand it to him though, as ridicules as a tatted-up dude his size looked belting out the world’s worst drunk chick song, he was a great sport about the whole thing.
Following the spirited (if out of tune) performance, Bob invited (demanded) each new team member step to the front, introduce themselves, and talk about what the experience of joining Team Elitefts meant to them. Unlike the song, this part was no joke, and actually turned into a nice moment with our new teammates. And following each emotional outpouring, the girls were all comforted with loving embraces from Casey Williams, thoughtful man he is.
I was standing next to him, with my arms also outstretched, but it was dark out, so they must not have seen me or something.
After initiation, we headed over to Murph’s room, where the madness continued for a few more hours. I still cannot believe we didn’t get a visit from our new taser-wielding friend (or the cops), especially since the prospect of a good tasing only seemed to take Murph form 10 to 11. At some point, Bob bet Alex “Uggs” Cortes that he couldn’t squat 455 (and prefers men) and threw some money down on the bed. Murph, who had been roaming the halls, must have heard the bills hit the bed, and immediately burst into the room and threw down 5 hundred. He had no idea what the bet was btw, that’s just a reflex.
When asked why he walks around with that much cash, his reply was:
I got 2 emergency hunnits, with another 3 backup hunnits! I get arrested on a drunk and disorderly? That’s 5 hunnits for bail and BOOM, I’m back out!!!
We tried for the next few days to figure out why he considers it to be 2 emergency bills with 3 backups, and not just 5 emergency hundreds, but then our heads started to collectively hurt and we dropped it.
By the way, I thought poor Harry Selkow was gonna have a seizure from laughter at this.
The next morning, we made our way back to the compound to bench. I think most of the guys met for breakfast, but I was too tired and hung over to bother.
Lifting at the compound is always great, but this was a particularly good session, because I got to share the bench with two of the best in the world, Vincent Dizenzo and Joey Smith. Also in the mix were Clint Darden, Casey Williams, Marshall Johnson, Matt Rhodes, Katelyn Smith and Melissa Byrd. Matt Smith from WSB was also there to help out which was cool, as he’s handed off countless 900+ benches
I had a pretty good, if conservative session, because I was testing out a new Ace, a size bigger than the one I outgrew.
I went:
Bar (50) x a few
100 x 5
290 x 5
230 x 1
280 x 1
320 x 1
Put shirt on
410 - 3 board
500 - 2 board
590 - 1 board
Shut it down there, because I knew at this point that the shirt was a good fit.
Clint Darden was also trying out a new shirt. I knew he had been looking forward to shirting up, because he doesn’t have much help at home, and it didn’t sound to me like his old shirt was giving him all that much. When he told me that his pr in the shirt was 451, I had a feeling we were going to see something cool… or kill Clint.
To be honest, Having never met him, I didn’t know quite what to make of Clint before this weekend. Not that I didn’t like him, or assumed that he was any different in person than in video/writing, I just didn’t know the dude, and I know from experience that people in person don’t always come off quite the same without the benefit of editing.
I can now tell you for certain that Clint is absolutely one of the realest dudes you will ever meet in strength sport, and completely lives up to the guy in this video.
Clint worked up to a 500lb bench press that day (49lb. pr) and when he got up from the bench the combination pressure, pain, and, y’know chemotherapy had him out on his feet. I of course took the opportunity to feel him up good while we guided him to a seated position to recover. This may be the closest we’ve come to an actual death at the compound, and believe me, we’ve come pretty damn close before.
Some lifters will talk your ear off about how they want to do this, or that, and most of the time, it’s just wishful thinking. Not in this case… that motherfucker REALLY wanted to bench 500, and was gonna do it, or die trying.
After training, I headed out to the airport with Bob, Harry, Mickey and Yessica. Bob was mercifully dressed in his “straight” clothes this time, and Harry had his best flip flops at the ready for the airport. We grabbed some lunch at the airport, and were later joined by Marshall, Vincent and David Allen.
We made it all the way through the line to security before I realized I was at the wrong terminal (fucking Delta), so I said a rushed goodbye and hauled ass to the right one, waited on another security line, and caught my flight home… via Detroit.
Thanks to all who made this another memorial event, including Dave and Traci Tate, the whole staff of elitefts.com, all of the coaches, and most importantly, the attendees, who are the reason we get to do this in the first place!